h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Several members of the ACF's Marines, Naval Corps, and Dog Fish groups charge into the area around the fountain. Taking whiffs of smelly socks every few seconds to keep themselves from getting too relaxed, they begin the construction of several strange items that resemble hoses*

~Red Dog arrives at the fountain~

OK men, erm Dogs, erm fish, erm .....

~pauses for inspiration~

erm ...... whatever, don`t forget if anyone turns up and they are not wearing a `I hate Cats` badge you may consider them to be hostile and take appropriate action.

This is now ACF real estate - you have your `no retreat orders` and don`t take any merde from the Lifeguards.

~goes to look for pumps, hoses and other plumbing paraphenalia~

*Bounds in to find the first water cannons operational. Flashes his "I hate cats" button and whispers the password. All mere formalities, as the work crew recognised him immediately.

Gives one worker a hand with a jammed pump, then heads off to the next stop on his inspection tour.*

Soldiers-WILL COMPLY, SIR!

*The workers begin moving double-time*

...Erm, excuse me, this is supposed to be a quiet, romantic spot where lovers can gaze at the and each other and go all google-eyed, and etc....

<BB<

Not any more.

~looks for signs of `I hate Cats Badge`~

~sends warning squirt BB`s way~

Are you saying that s are against romance?!

<BB<

All I'm saying that if you`re a dog you tend to be more interested in smells and pheromones rather than foreplay ..... hang on a minute.

~pauses and tries to work out whether this is a trap our diversion~

I have nothing further to say apart from that I`m only following orders.

cats are for romance, BB. haven't you ever heard us sing to the moon on a starry night?

those dogs are a menace to society.

*Busterbone flies in*

Romance!! How we doomed airmen long for romance!!

*Sighs. A tear comes to his eye*

But still no time for romance, hey chaps. Not when I've got my thumb on a trigger and a cat in the crosshairs of my machine gun.

*points the Sopwith in the general direct of Sea*

Fur will fly, Sea. Most of it yours. Say Bow-wow and Bye-bye.

*pushes trigger. A deadly spurt of machine gun fire splashes through the water in the fountain directly towards Sea*

Gosh. What will happen next? Tune in next post, same dog time, same dog channel

What does he mean? I always thought water cannons were romantic.


*Aims a water cannon at sea and pulls the trigger. The stream of water arcs out towards sea.*


Which will hit sea first? The bullets or the water jet? Or will she evade both. Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of this battle.

Speaking as a non-cat and a non-dog, I must inform you, Bluebottle, that this is still a place of romance. Just not for cats. Cats have their fenceposts to be romantic in, as Sea just pointed out.

um...sea..if you're there ....now might be a good time to post.

With a name like Bluebottle, I am at all times a Goon, Fly, Portugeuse Man o' War jellyfish and a spy from "Carry On Spying". And as a jeelyfish I am worried about this war that's going on around my home...

<BB<

No need to worry. The ACF navy is composed of h2g2 fish! Fish have been long persecuted by cats, so they have joined our cause.

*Waits for some cats to wander by.*

As well as being a goon, a jellyfish, a fly and a spy from "Carry on Spying" you are also a bottle.

And blue.

Ah yes - that is true...
I'd almost forgotten.

<BB<

The cats haven't posted here for days.

As far as the Fountain goes I think the ACF can claim victory!!!!!

*Inserts flag pole into ground and unfurls the ACF Flag. Salutes*

The Band strikes up ACF anthem - `Diamond Dogs`

This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!