h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*watches as Black leopard falls into the transporter which is set to automatically beam people to one foot above and 3 feet behind where they were teleported, and so Black Leopard keeps falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling, and falling,,,*

*Black Leopard grabs Nuge and starts punching him as they fall*

<<< No, you're falling, I'm watching>>>

*switches off the transporter, and Black Leopard is in two bits, in different parts of the room* No shouting in my sickbay. I'm busy, so is the punching urgent? No? Okay, I'm sure you all have offices to make, just set up a thread, I have a sore head to deal with. *shoos everyone out*

You can't shoo me out - i'm the commander!!

NOW PUT ME BACK TOGETHER!!

Its getting worse!!

IM IN PAIN HERE! NUDGE HELP ME
*collapses on floor*

*goes off to get a doctor who won't insult him OR put him through a projector thingy*

*Is very much unconsious*

I'll deal with him later. Right... *picks up a hypospray and presses it to Horatio's neck. It hisses, and she visibly relaxes. This was a sedative, and the small device that he puts on her head begins bleeping and whirring* Oh no... am I too late? *quickly taps out a message to Black Leopard and then sends it, while turning and dashing over to grab operating tools* Horatio, why didn't you come to me sooner? *begins to operate, fade to black, cue dramatic music...*

*Moves*
*twitches*

*uses another sedative hypospray, and then mutters "I could use an assistant around here" before continuuing the delicate operation which could end with the death of Horatio if she wakes up*

*runs in*

how are you doing? and HOW exactly is a headache going to kill her??

*Faraway voice, commonly heard when spirts speak*

Headaches are funny things.

It could kill me because the brain is a delicate thing...

This is not merely a headache, Commander, she has somehow suffered severe brain trauma. I need someone to get me medication from the synthesiser. Get me 250 milligrams of Hydrodethaline now, please.

*Faraway voice*
What does that do?

*sees the commander's blank look as he goes to get the medication* Basically, the neo cortex is shutting down, I'll need a cortical stimulator while you're at it, please, take your time, I'm sure that her brain will understand and stop shutting down. That was sarcasm. HURRY!!!

*Uses telepathic abilities to get medication for Nudge as no-one else is here*

<<>>

[BL: "Here you go" *hands over hypo and cortical stimulator*]

*administers hypo* Thank you. *activates cortical stimulator* 10 micro-amps. *stimulator fizzes and Horatio twitches*

[BL: "No effect"]

??

well what do we do now?

*Monitor bleeps*
[Condition grows critical]