h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just because you pay road taxes you think you can treat other road users like c**p! My two wheels don't tear up the roads and I'll be PAYING for your laziness when the polar icecaps stop floating.

I came home today fuming because, in the last week or so, whilst on my bicycle I have been insulted, beeped at and generally blamed for the bad driving of motorists.

It is the sad fact that, since the original article was written, thousands of even LARGER, petrol guzzling, ugly cars have rumbled on to the streets. Instead of taking note and feeling encouraged to get on a bicycle, drivers seem to get lazier.

I live in the ancient city of Bath and for anyone that doesn't know, terrible road layouts make it hell to drive around. I ride a bike out of necessity.. My ride to work takes 10minutes through heavy traffic and would take 15mins (excl. parking) in a car. I have often passed a car at the start of my journey and seen it parking up a few minutes after I have reached my destination (This is lazy in itself).

Why is it that our, increasingly overweight, lazy nation feel that it is fair to push cyclists to the side of the road? I wish that drivers really were as considerate of other road-users, as much as has been made out in previous posts. If you were as road-conscious, mindful and polite as us cyclists, we wouldn't NEED traffic lights. Maybe that's why we break a few rules sometimes. You'd be just as quick to throw the book, in some 'personal injury' claim, if it were you who had been cut-up at the lights by some idiot. Whether on foot or over two wheels, I am constantly making time for lousy driving - when I don't, I get the insolent sound of tooting horns and "Pr*ck!" shouted out of downed windows.

It seems to me that motorists have been given all the warnings and still don't give a flying fok about the alternatives.

Today I pledge an eternal grudge to your ugly macchinations. If you see me I will be stepping out in front of your car, or speeding past it on a bicycle. That's right, I am your WORST nightmare. I will sue the s**t out of you if I end up on your bonnet and would sooner pass a brick through your rear window than pull over to let you pass. I am your creation, your devil spawn, so STICKTHIS.

P.S. To the motorists of Bath:
I am the one on a sweet, yellow bike that always passes you at the 'Midland Bridge' Sainsbury's junction. If you hoot your horn at me, whilst stuck in traffic, take a moment to notice the 'Middle finger' patch on my bag (TBC) - as it slowly gets smaller and smaller and smaller...

P.S.S. To all commuters who considered getting a bicycle but didn't have the guts because of the motorist dangers on the road:
Go on, take a chance, live in the NOW man! You can pick up a sexy bicycle for a fraction of the price of an annual bus pass. Its fun. Its easy. Its FAST - much faster than city traffic (which is half the fun). Its good for you. Its good for me and all the rest of us and if you're good, you can ride it drunk (though not recommended) + In a years time you can come home brandishing guns of steel to your loved one, plus it makes you better in bed (Not Legally Binding).