h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello

After lurking and enjoying your journals and posts for quite sometime now, I thought it time I eventually plucked up the courage to swing by and ask, if you wouldn't mind very much, if I could pop your name onto the list of stolen people I have collected on my PS?
I promise not to be any bother, probably won't post very much but would like to make it more 'official' so's I don't feel quite so dirty and stalkerish

Oh, and absolutely no obligation ofcourse, nor hard feelings if you'd rather not be associated with such a motley bunch as pervades my PS.

*squeal*

oh hello!

I'd be deeply honoured, and I'd love it to do the same?
I see you around a lot, mostly I notice you because of the name, but also because you seem to be a lot like me.

Not sure if that's a good thing

Did anything in particular spark this off?

Oh phew! I'm always worried I'll be greeted with a 'actually, could you naff off and don't ever darken my PS again' response. But there's tea and cake and everything

Well, as I said, I've lurked your journals for quite a time, and always liked the humour interjected amid sometimes serious stuff. Also, I just like your slant on things. Then, I saw the 'link wars' thread in the forum, hot footed back to your journal, and was really, genuinely heartened to see your and others responses to the whole attitude and arseosity that seems to pervade the Forum in general. To the point where I actually began to like Hootoo again, after a long period of being humphy about the place. Oh, and you play with power tools too

Then there's the altogether more serious issue of The Deppster. Keep your paws off!

I'm delighted to make your aquaintance ma'am, consider yourself stolen.

Lock your fridge, bolt your pantry, Jangly's about

eek I've been

what I meant to say is that there is usually and on the go (well, what's the point of having a and barking yourself...



something like that.

But now the sun is beyond the yardarm we can have and

Ar!

my kids want to know if I'm permanently stolen, or if I'll get back to do their washing.

And if I'm permanently gone, they want my CDs.

I'm going to do a King Lear and call them Pelican Daughters

oh and we have new

it's currently being advertised on tv the Aldi stuff with dark and orange peel... yum

Well, hopefully permanant, but I'm quite happy to let you off on a very long leash, should you feel the uncontrollable urge to indulge in housework...or just to procure delicious new chocolates

Sort of Fagin like, if you will

now old on there, missus.

It'ts one thing me but it's quite another to start casting nastertiums on my character... housework indeedy! perish the thought.

I need a nice after that. and some

Proud of you soldier. Glad to see you're not afflicted with the housework disease either

Plus you have your very own pet , oh to never have to cook again

unfortunately, my pet cooks for other people every day...

but he does have time to whip up a few things for us.

And whenever I mention that I'm running away with Jean Christophe Novelli or Gordon Ramsay he says he's coming with me.

Gordon Ramsey? Really?

Granted, he's not completely of the 'face like a chewed up toffee' variety but still...I couldn't cope with his tantrums or rudeness.

Being passionate's all well and good, but, stickler for good manners me

well, i think he's not as rude as we think he is. If we look past the... ah... colourful language, he's just so annoyed by people not going at it 100%.

I keep seeing a YouTube clip of him berating a mother and her daughters who are running a restaurant really badly - and they really can't take criticism. So, they have - free, gratis and for nothing, the lovely Gordon telling them how to do it better. And they don't listen, they don't turn up, they argue when they do turn up and they really are obnoxious. His people skills do need polishing, but in his place I would have slapped them all and told them where to go.

It does make most excellent tv. And if you watch his Scrambled Egg thing - phwoar!

Gawd, it's as bad as a teenage crush! (but nothing teenage about what I'd like to... ah, wait, is on his way over to see what I'm wittering on about today...)

I've only seen one of the programmes that he does where he steps in to try and turn around a flailing business. It was deplorable, the chap in question shouldn't have been anywhere near food...ever. I agree, if he's going in there with his expertise and offering his 'services', then they should be jolly well grateful and rise to the challenge.

I think it's the whole chef thing really, or at least how they're portrayed in programmes where they've a bunch of youngsters and novices all vying to learn the trade and skills. I just find myself absolutely appalled at the way and the manner in which they're spoken to and treated, there are different ways to motivate and instruct a person. Also, I think it stems from my complete inability to take orders being barked at me, from any quater, I'd never fair in the army for that reason alone, and certainly not where there's weapons close by. Not with my temper anyway

well, it sounds strange and people often stand open-mouthed when I tell them about my former job...

I hate to be told what to do, I'm *always* right, and I'm naturally untidy (although I know where everything is as long as a 3rd party - yep, lookin' right atcha - doesn't move my stuff)...

but... I did well in the Army because I know when to switch off, and not take things personally. And, of course, I also know that revenge tastes much much much better ice cold having festered for a month or two. And my middle names are Petty and Vindictive.

Chefing is the same as the army in that respect (although even among army chefs I've never seen anyone smacked in the head with a pan) because the guy at the top of the totem is where the buck stops. Baby chefs (cooks) these days don't want to work unsociable hours, don't want to learn about taste, texture and the look of food: they want to have 3 Michelin stars, their own TV show, books and a franchise without going to cooking school. You can learn a lot from books and from college, but you have to start at the bottom in a kitchen to know what you're on about.

And, unlike the Army, if you're good at the bottom rung, you can soon move up - although you often have to jump ship and go elsewhere to do it if you have a prima donna as a boss.

But then, I could just be immune to it: the number of times I've had to pour a nice cup of or a while he rants and raves about morons (waiters) and trainee slop-jockeys

*picks up chin from floor*

You were in the army? I never knew that.

I've never known a real life lady soldier *poke*

Well, I'm completely and utterly in awe now. Having all those, quite frankly, admirable and self recognisable qualities and character traits...I'm speechless. I seriously admire your restraint and self control. I just couldn't. I'd constantly be in trouble for not getting there on time, having scuffy boots and running away when the enemy advanced. Then I'd throw a big hissy strop for being told off.

How long were you in for? Why did you leave? Where did you go? Wow! Just. Wow!

let's get you sorted with first...

right, are you sitting comfortably?

First off: I'm what you might call an Army Brat. Yep, Brat certainly (*waves to mum*) My father was a career soldier in the Household Cavalry (yep, Harry joined his lot) and he was a boss-man for a lot of the time I was growing up. So I was well aware of what the army is and does, and very well aware of the trials and tribulations which might face a lady soldier.

Anyhooo... added to that I was also at boarding school. Living with a lot of women/girls was second nature by the time I joined up.

As an aside: when I applied I was turned down as an officer because of my awful A-level results. When I got in they tried their best to get me to go to officer school having recognised my qualities... I turned them down to marry my .

anyhoooooo. I learned Russian (after a fashion - I failed my A-level, but the basics were/are there) at school and read a lot of James Bond. I rather fancied being a spy. But when I got in - and they were recruiting a lot back then - the spy course was full up so I ended up in the signals. Which was ok, but I wanted away from there.

However, I was in a fab place - didn't do my job but I did real soldiery things like sweeping leaves, drinking beer, sweeping leaves, drinking beer, sport, painting trucks and lying in a field pretending to be bits of twig.

did I mention we did a lot of drinking beer?

After a couple of years of that - and being known as my dad's daughter, word spreads fast and he knew quite a lot of my bosses for varius reasons (which did me no harm) - I got into the Intelligence Corps. And although I loved and adored it, it was getting increasingly difficult to stay married. And it really is a man's job, unfortunately, and I got sick and tired of it after just over 6 years. So I left.

And there it is. Not at all interesting. But towards the end folks would be talking to my dad and say "oh, you're Sho's dad!" and the tables had turned. Which was kind of

I spent most of my time here in Germany - as a brat and a Lady Soldier, not far from where I live now for some of it.

As for following orders and stuff, well in one respect you can seethe and fume all you want but in the end you just get on with your job. If the order is wrong and/or gets in the way - then you can find someone to outrank the order giver, or (if they are a baby officer) just put them right and get on with it.

basic training is to knock you down and build you into a soldier how the army wants them. Two types survive that intact: those who really get knocked down and built into soldiers and those (like me) who get on with it, cover up their real self, and then after passing out and becoming a real soldier get their real self dusted off and get on with the business.

I was a vegetarian for most of that time too, and a hippy...

so... chin back on the floor yet?

oh poop, sorry, that's really long!

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o123/malevolentlalala_photos/smiley_jawdrop.gif

No apology needed, that there is fascinating stuff. Thanks so much for going to the bother. Blimey. I'm never easily impressed, but I think you're now officially the coolest person I've met in the longest time.
Just being a veggie in the army must have been a challenge in itself.

Ofcourse, there's them that can do and then there's great big spoiled wusses like me!

I really am totally gobsmacked, and clearly I had preconceived ideas of, albeit unconscious ones, who I'd 'expect' to be an army bod and who wouldn't. You've completely floored me. Bet you like invoking that reaction in folk though eh?

That must have been tough to leave, doing something which you clearly enjoyed doing and I would imagine, was really quite fulfilling, especially being a girly, working hard to prove yourself and sticking it to the men. I can see how trying to sustain any relationship, let alone a marriage would be difficult though. He's a lucky I trust you remind him of this on at least a daily basis

So, to carry on in the vein of the nosey old crow that I am, and do feel free to tell me to shut the hell up at any time...trust me, I ain't going to be arguing with you non, definitely not now

How did you adjust to civvy street (hark at me with me lingo) did you find it tough or, did you perhaps have your little people more or less straight away? Hell, there's an adjustment and then some for anyone under any circumstance. Not sure I've completely got used to the idea myself, almost 14 years into parenthood. Tell me things, tell me everything. I'm so excited

I really should have a smiley amnesty, it's getting out of hand now

Damn!