Vogon 2 Christmas 2004

0 Conversations

The  Post
Christmas  Poetry  Competition 

smiley - hollysmiley - hollysmiley - holly

A Vogon Finds a Lump of Coal... by Quizzical

A Vogon finds a lump of coal
in his boot on Christmas morning...

'What's this, then?' he snarls.

'Who's the !*#*[email protected]!! clown?'

But the proof is in the (Christmas) pudding.

He takes a taste, then chomps it down.

For the rest of the day, he glares

blackly at the rest of the crew.

They envy him his black teeth.

They're mad and jealous — what to do?

So they turn the ship upside down

eating anything that's black:

wires, flooring, insulation, walls —

they're spitting nails and chewing tacks.

They strut around the mangled ship

with sooty incisors and dirty drool.

The commander sees all the black teeth.

It's a mutiny, he thinks, and being no fool,

He executes the lot of them.

It could happen, so here's a warning

should you find a lump of coal

in your boot on Christmas morning.

The ways of aliens often puzzle:

one Vogon's prank is another's treat.
De gustibus non disputandum est,

so better think twice before you eat.

smiley - hollysmiley - hollysmiley - holly

Vote for this poem

Back to the Competition Page

16.12.04 Front Page

Back Issue Page

Bookmark on your Personal Space

Conversations About This Entry

There are no Conversations for this Entry



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry

Written by



h2g2 Entries

External Links

Not Panicking Ltd is not responsible for the content of external internet sites


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more