Vogon 2 Christmas 2004
Created | Updated Dec 16, 2004
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The Post
Christmas Poetry Competition
2004
A Vogon Finds a Lump of Coal... by Quizzical
A Vogon finds a lump of coal
in his boot on Christmas morning...
'What's this, then?' he snarls.
'Who's the !*#*!@!! clown?'
But the proof is in the (Christmas) pudding.
He takes a taste, then chomps it down.
For the rest of the day, he glares
blackly at the rest of the crew.
They envy him his black teeth.
They're mad and jealous — what to do?
So they turn the ship upside down
eating anything that's black:
wires, flooring, insulation, walls —
they're spitting nails and chewing tacks.
They strut around the mangled ship
with sooty incisors and dirty drool.
The commander sees all the black teeth.
It's a mutiny, he thinks, and being no fool,
He executes the lot of them.
It could happen, so here's a warning
should you find a lump of coal
in your boot on Christmas morning.
The ways of aliens often puzzle:
one Vogon's prank is another's treat.
De gustibus non disputandum est,
so better think twice before you eat.
