Vogon 2 Christmas 2004

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The  Post
Christmas  Poetry  Competition 
  2004


smiley - hollysmiley - hollysmiley - holly

A Vogon Finds a Lump of Coal... by Quizzical

A Vogon finds a lump of coal
in his boot on Christmas morning...

'What's this, then?' he snarls.

'Who's the !*#*[email protected]!! clown?'

But the proof is in the (Christmas) pudding.

He takes a taste, then chomps it down.

For the rest of the day, he glares

blackly at the rest of the crew.

They envy him his black teeth.

They're mad and jealous — what to do?

So they turn the ship upside down

eating anything that's black:

wires, flooring, insulation, walls —

they're spitting nails and chewing tacks.

They strut around the mangled ship

with sooty incisors and dirty drool.

The commander sees all the black teeth.

It's a mutiny, he thinks, and being no fool,

He executes the lot of them.

It could happen, so here's a warning

should you find a lump of coal

in your boot on Christmas morning.

The ways of aliens often puzzle:

one Vogon's prank is another's treat.
De gustibus non disputandum est,

so better think twice before you eat.


smiley - hollysmiley - hollysmiley - holly

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