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Official UnderGuide Entry In another delve into h2g2's origins, this week the UnderGuide features a piece by Michael Bywater1. Michael Bywater was a contributor to h2g2 in its early days and his work was originally intended as part of a regular column. This was in those very early days before h2g2's focus changed to the community produced and run Edited Guide to Life, the Universe et al. The joy of h2g2 is that it still caters for all types of writing. If there are any columns of wit and fine honed observation out there, there are acres of fresh clean space here just waiting for your stroke of the keyboard, (both within and without the Edited Guidelines).

Welcome to the Column that Cares

by Michael Bywater, h2g2 Staff Columnist

How often do you - yes,
you; stop picking your nose and wondering whether you'd be happier with
a really, really expensive wristwatch, because (a) your head will cave in and
(b) you wouldn't be - read columns and think to yourself: "This columnist
is a schmuck"?

And you know why? Because
most of us are schmucks. I bet you think I'm a schmuck for even saying
that, don't you?

Yes, I think you are a schmuck.

Oh come on, it's not that bad, you could see someone about it.

Shut up, schmuck.

See? But I am determined to change my ways. A careful analysis of columns indicates
that they fall into two groups: the topical/political,
and the stupefyingly domestic.

But now, thanks to h2g2 technology, there is a third way. Would you like to
see it?

Yes please!

1Michael Bywater is a writer, columnist and journalist, writing, among other work, the "Bargepole" columns in Punch in the 1980s, and also much of the Starship Titanic Website.

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