h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Exactly what it says in the title

*A bleak windowless room with a table and a couple of chairs*

*2 SG-6 men bring in the handcuffed prisoner and sit him in the chair, one armed man remains*

*LeRue enters the room and a look of disgust crosses his face when he see's the prisoner*

You little Sh*t, your going to wish you had never been born!

*He stands and waits for the Colonel*

*The Colonel enters and nod's to LeRue*

Now my friend, lets make this as painless as possible, who has Major Scandrea and where is she now?

Jaffa: She is with her god.

What is 'Her God's' name

J: A heritic and a fool, do you not know the great He She. The first born amoung the gods.

A name for the great He She wouldn't go amiss

J: He will grind your bones to dust.

Sure he will but I'd like to be on first name terms when he does,

*Talks slowly*

see my name is Coral, Reefgirl is a nickname that has been with me since school, what is your name and what is your god's name

*snarling*

Jaffa: My name matters not. My gods name is Atum. The great He She, and first of all the gods. His name will be the last word your heretic mouth shall utter.

*sits back and puffs his chest*

*Talks with the guard*

Get word to the Tok'ra and the free Jaffa, find out all you can about Atum

*The guard runs off*

So the great confused one? tell me about him, how is he different from my God

*the puff goes form the jaffas chest and he starts to eye the colonel more suspiciously*

All you need know of him is that he is god. And if you refuse to bow down at his feet he will crush your pathetic little rebelion.

My God is a benevolent God, my God believes in love, My God believes in forgiveness, he doesn't need sacrifise or ruleing with an iron fist, I do not fear my God, my God doesn't rule by fear

Avd I certainly don't fear you're 'god'

You will.

No I won't because I have defeated other 'gods' I'll just have yours to add to my collection

Gods and every thing are all well and good, but the thing about your god is.... he is not here, on the other hand I'am.

You'll say something like 'I will be a martyr for my god', thats fine ... its just that having a great personal fate dosent stop these tiny sensory nerves in your tissue sensing pressure or pain... somthing that could be simulated quite easily using ....


*Pulls out his SLRS Knife*

.... this!

*Gets out a lighter and slowely starts to heat the tip of the knife*

If you remove my breast plate you'll see the scar left me when my brothers and I vanquished the jaffa of Qebehsenuef. It measures three hands breadth. You may need a larger knife.

*Takes a look*

Nice! You should see where I took a .50in Magnum through my left arse cheek.... but I said Tissue.. not skin...


*Keeps the lighter on the knife*

Now in a while I'm going to ask you to be a good little boy and to keep your eyelids fully open...

*Sighs and rolls her eyes*

Boys this is not a who's got the biggest............scar competition

*Turns to the Jaffa*

Now, tell me where Atum is and I'll let you go back to worshipping your god, if you don't I'll let my Captain here tell you all about what he worships, or better still he'll show you

*A guard comes running in skids to a halt and salutes*

[Guard] Ma'am the prisoner from Bubastis has escapred from his cell, he's holding Private James hostage, he says he'll kill him if we don't let him go to back to Bubastis, he wants to see you

I'd forgotten about him, LeRue play nice with the Jaffa

*To the other SG-6 guard*

Don't let him harm the Jaffa

*To the Brig Guard*

Go and find Lieutenant Peace, this is a job for her I think

*The Brig Guard runs off*