h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*KL turns on the tracer monitors that he has secretly installed in all STUMPED agents, and prepares to arm the explosive in each on of them in the event that they breach the contract that he has with them*

[Ancba] So, KL, I believe you had something you had in mind involving all members of STUMPED?

Yes. The conquest of the Universe. Once I re-establish the rat-ant nest, I am going to use my latest weapon, The Continuity Gun, to make myself the ruler of the entire physical realm. I, of course, want every available STUMPED member on task for such a dangerous mission.

[Ancba] Hmmm ... I hope I would still keep my empire in the Unknown Regions of the Star Wars galaxy, and I'd be in charge except that you could change anything you didn't like.

Why Ancba, of course you can keep that. I'll need my members of STUMPED to act as lieutenants in various parts of the Universe anyway. You know, just to make sure that people don't get any funny ideas about freedom, and so forth.

[Ancba] Freedom .........

[A thought cloud appears above Ancba's head. A book that says "George Orwell: 1984" is in it. Just so you'll get an idea of what THAT comment made me think. ]

Did it, by any chance, remind you of George Orwell's "1984"? Just out of curiosity.

[Ancba] Yes, quite.

Ah. Funny, I thought that might be it.

*Drums his fingers together for a moment before losing interest*

Ancba, why are the heroes of h2g2 island so obsessed with ruining any attempt I make at having a decent life? I mean sure, I can understand them wanting to stop me from conquering the world, or unleashing a toxic plague on the H2G2 Space Centre, or unleashing some giant monkeys in Murmansk, or attempting to destroy the Galaxy. I don't hold it against them that they try to stop me from that. But how come they attempt to foil my plans when they are as simple as "Enjoy a relaxing stroll through the magic forest", or "hey, maybe I'll get a bit of ale from the F&F on the way home from work", or even "say, since I've got this continuity gun, why don't I revive my pets that were senselessly murdered the last time I interacted with them?" I mean, being the good guys, shouldn't the heroes technically be "good"? All of that "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" stuff, and all of that "Love your enemy" stuff, and even the somewhat less noble "do not wrek vengence on others." Nah, they don't follow that. It's really starting to get to me. Maybe....maybe I should take a vacation after I finish this latest branch of evil schemes. But first, I really should see a psychiatrist. I seem to recall that there was a psychiatry lounge at in the Rambling Misfits Club House, I wonder if that's still open. And then,....

*Realizes that he's forgotten that Ancba is still sitting there, patiently listening*

[Ancba] Perhaps you should have some security to prevent the heroes from foiling any attempts to get psychiatric help.

Too late. As chronicled in my latest journal, I stole a psychiatry robot from CLI. That also recommended taking some time off as soon as my schedule opened up a bit more.

[Ancba] .....

Perhaps we should see if we can get some insanity gas to use against the heroes. It would be amusing to say the least.

Yes, that it would, that it would. What kind of insanity would you be refering to? Schizophrenia? Paranoia? Multiple Identity Disorder?

*Glances at Ancba as he mentions that last one*

I wonder,....

[Y2K] What about JPM?

[Ancba] JPM?

[Y2K] Just Plain Mania.

MU-HOO-HOO-HA-HA-HA!!!

I am Clipboard: The Technomancer and Cynic! I use a combiation of dark magic and evil science to make me an H2G2 force to be reckoned with If you have been listening in on the CHOPPERS lately, you may have noticed I am currently undeer trial for the use of one my more destructive inventions: The (patent pending) H2G2 Reality Ray! This power H2G2 weapon has earned me enimies amongst the CHOPPERS, and I hope, allies amongst the STUMPED.

P.S. If you do not allow me to join, I'll sic my robots on you.
Have a nice day!

-Clipboard

reality ray? ohh no anything but that! umm yeah, here's your sphere.....

ehh.. what do I do with this here sphere?

[Y2K] You get in. Then you roll around the arena for three days along with all those other spheres.

[Y2K kicks Clipboard into the sphere]

[Y2K] Oh, by the way: one of the spheres has a thermonuclear explosive in it.

[Y2K slams the door shut and sends the sphere rolling into the arena]

[Clipboard taps Y2K on the back] Which sphere did you want me in again?