h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did anyone else see the front-page diary on dkos about Newt's extremely lame online campaign? His website uses stock photos of people cheering, which is really an insult to the web-literate, who have responded by 'shopping in their own stock photos to the Newt web banner:

http://newtinfrontofstockphotos.tumblr.com/

Too funny.

My faves were the buzz saw and the Hindenburg... thanks, Lil!

Cannot picture that sharky-looking woman as First Lady -- First Harridan, maybe...

Trump is not running! I am devastated. It would have been so much fun to follow his campaign.

How many people want Mr. Nerd to run? Show of hands, please.

He has been a registered Republican since he turned 18. He is a professional brewer, has a lovely full beard, plays the euphonium, and owns exactly one suit.

How is he at lying?

Terrible.

To see a picture of your future candidate, check my facebook photos. He's so irritated about the so-called Republican platform, he's about ready to let me run a facebook campaign.

And has it been a week since Newt declared? I love his first commandment -- Thou shalt not make ads of contradictory things I have said!

Already gone viral:

When asked by The Huffington Post about media coverage this past week, Gingrich press secretary Rick Tyler fired off a response blasting the political and media elite.

"The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding,” Tyler wrote. “Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”


It was a dark and stormy night!

Are you sure that wasn't Charlie Sheen?

There's definitely a little eau de Charlie there, all right. SAY WHAT, again?

Meanwhile, back at the castle, turds were being flung at random. Random being an agile kid, stepped aside.

This is just bad english, beyond even the redemption of a few extra commas that would tell us where to breathe:
"They fired timidly at first, then the sheep{,} not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list{,} unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods."

First, I would convert the first clause into a separate short sentence for greater rhetorical effect. The next sentence would begin with 'Then the sheep...'. The last clause wants rearrangement. Perhaps 'without taking aim' could be moved to the very end of the sentence or perhaps it could be moved into the previous clause so that it follows the word 'clip'.

Nothing, however, can be done with 'cocktail party invite list' or with the weird metaphor of gun-wielding sheep.

Grade: D.

As far as I can recall, I have never remotely contemplated inviting sheep for any cocktail party I have been involved in, let alone gun-toting ones...

Nice grading there, Lil

Now I have the Shawn the Sheep theme running in my head, thanks a lot.

Let me get this straight -- campaign press secretaries are supposed to clarify the statements of their candidate, and add the appropriate spin? WHERE did Rick Tyler think he was going with that slag-pile?

Good grading, Lil -- I was having trouble just pinning down the tenses, and as you've all noticed, my grammar s*cks.

Baaaa, aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaa aaaaa

He's Shawn the Sheep

Since then, I've been singing along to this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbykzqJ6ens

John Lithgow performs the Rick Tyler press release!

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/05/20/977310/-John-Lithgows-Dramatic-Reading-Of-Gingrichs-Press-Release?via=search

That reading is priceless! Lithgow -- the suit he wore was perfection, totally Presidential! Gingrich should hire Lithgow's tailor...might be the only chance his campaign has left. We know he's not adverse to spending money, when he has such a large open tab at Tiffany's, though.