h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Zax enters with a grin, and beams at all in the room.*

Hey All! I'm Back!!

*waving away the sychophants rushing to touch the saintly trench, the Wayward Child strides over to kneel breifly before GOD. Then turns to shake hands with BED*

I discovered TWO new Weevil species on the far moon of Iblerna! Remind me to tell you about them later!

*Grins at Jester, and throws him a Rubber Chicken. Catching it, jester is surprised to find it struggling and flapping it's wings.*

Uh... Yeah... I had Saint Mike take a whack at 'animating' it...

*faint profanities can be heard comming from Jester's fist, which is clasping the beak to prevent it from pecking at him*

Well... i didn't realize it at the time, but apparently the rubber was from an 18 wheeler's tire.... it has a mild case of Trucker's mouth.... been carrying that ting around looking for you... had to get it off my hands!

Cut and Bloke, how you been! I'll be giving out all of the presents up in heaven.. don't want to cram up the aps thread!

Welcome new saints!

The Archangel Zax*


*looking like a billion bucks- minus the antlers!

Welcome back, Zax.

Thanx for the chick.

3

JOTD: He who hesitates is last

Welcome back Zax !!!

I see your halo has returned...

* Looks at Jester *

Hello, would you like to pick-up Stipey.Z.Rickenbacker as your very first soul under your guardianship ?

If so please backtrack up a few threads. It would be nice if we gave them a prompt reply...

- Simply, High Spirited.

I'm thinking of starting a section of heaven for very good tea drinkers, who should I send this rquest to?
Also, could I have a mention on the Guardian Angels page?

Well it is funny you mentioned that, I was only mentioning to Big 'Evil' Dan a bit earlier, that it was about time we had someone who could make a sterling cup of tea...

* Ponders some of Saint Tweetie's efforts... *

I usually get Saint Peter to update the Guardian's page when the official induction ceremony has taken place, it's just BED was feeling a little bit nervous about the task, but I have had a word with him, and the ceremony should take place soon...

- Moving In Mysterious Ways.

I wouldn't mind taking on.. hrm.. the guy whose name is too far up for me to remember now, but you know who I mean, as a person-to-look-after-kinda-thingywhatsit

Stipey Z Rickenbacker is all yours Saint Cutlery

Don't lead him too far astray...

http://h2g2.com/U132645

Thanks.

*The Angels turn out in full force for the new induction ceremony. An excited buzz fills the air. Rasputin weaves through the crowd offering them reasonably priced refreshments. St. Peter tries in vain to get everybody seated and quiet so that the ceremony may commence. God, getting more and more impatient walks on to the stage. Using his most intimidating "fear-my-mighty-powers" voice of doom, shouts:*

QUIET!

*The Angels quickly hurry to their seats, leaving the spotlight on the new members. John, William, and Moo Juice sit anxiously in their chairs. William sips a cup of tea he bought from the refreshment vendor, and appears to dislike it. God steps up to the podium for an introduction.*

God: Thank you all for coming. I'd like to call Saint Big 'Evil' Dan up here to perform the ceremony. That is, if he's around.

*Dan flies in from above, looking as though he's just run a marathon. He steps up to the podium, laying the brilliant Golden Sword beside him.*

Dan: I was going to write a lovely speech for the ceremony, but unfortunately I never got around to it.

*St. Peter leans over to God and whispers "Why exactly did you let him do this?". HE just looks back and shrugs his shoulder.*

Dan: So, without any more delays, I'd like to perform the ceremony. Moo Juice, would you please step forward.

*Moo Juice steps up towards Dan and kneels down. Dan thrusts the Golden Sword up into the air*

Dan: I hereby proclaim you Saint Moo Juice, Patron Saint of Country Folk.

*The Golden Sword touches both of Moo Juice's shoulders, and two milky-white wings emerge. Moo gives them a test flap, and then returns to his seat.*

Dan: Now I would like to call John the Rather Ordinary up here.

*John also takes the appropriate stance as Dan brings the sword into the air*

Dan: I hereby proclaim you Saint John the Rather Ordinary, Patron Saint of the Technologically Frustrated.

*Dan brings down the sword upon John, and watches as two wings begin to grow, but stop halfway. Dan grumbles a bit, and then gives the sword a whack. This gets the wings to continue to grow into a fully-sized set of Rather Ordinary wings. John, notably relieved, returns to his seat.*

Dan: And last, but certainly not least, we have William Jenkins. Please come up here, William.

*William puts down the cup of tea he purchased from Rasputin and comes to the center of the stage. The Golden Sword shines brightly as Dan thrusts it into the air.*

Dan: I hereby proclaim you Saint William Jenkins, Patron Saint of Tea.

*Two wings appear on William, although a noticable tea stain is on the left one*

Dan: I can use the sword to get rid of it if you want, but it's kind of a nice trademark. We'll talk later.

*The crowd begins to cheer and the new saints toss their halos in the air. Everyone is happy, except for possibly Rasputin, who seems to be slightly upset with the new competition in beverage dispensing.*

Dan: Welcome new Angels!

The first round's on me (tea only, of course).

Welcome new angels!! Well met!!

*staking a cup of tea from William, Zax wanders through the throng giving brownies to all, and surreptitiously passing out pints of Guinness to those who need a bit more of a kick*

now, GOD, you an handle being sober for another hour.. go have a cupa with william!

* looks away as GOD casts a pleading glance in Zax's direction.*
Go with Peter... I won't be responsible for encouraging you!



The Archangel Zax*

Patron Saint of Drunken Indulgence, Brownies, Undead Weevils, and Whatever.

*Making the rounds

*takes a pint of guiness and a cup of tea and invents a new cocktail and wishes he hadn't*

*vomits*

Blurgh. I'll wipe that up, if you want me to.

Surely that's already taken care of? My cloud cleans up all mess, thanks to its unique AllCleaningLayer. If I were you I'd ask for an upgrade.

lol! i'm gonna have to look into that! I could really use one of those over at my pad... what with all the brownie crumbs and alcohol stains! not to mention the unmentionable stuff..

Man, they think of everything in these super-terran environments

I can't believe I've been w***ing so hard keeping it clean!

hmmmmmm... i suppose there are some countries where that's considered clean.... compared to a dirt floor maybe!

* Ponders 'What a lovely ceremony it was' *

* HE ponders further '...I would tell Dan in person, but it's positively dangerous to give an angel a swell head - with the extra weight, they tend to start dropping from the sky mid-flight... *

Honestly, why would anyone want to come to Heaven if you still had to do the cleaning...

Its only angels who are sill...er kind enough to do the w*rk

- Simply, Highly Spirited.

St.Peter - I have someone in need of their very own Guardian Angel...

Twilight U129819

Please confirm if you would like to be that wonderful angel.

Thanks

St.P.

hello, i would like to become patron saint of frogs and small animals, seeing as i love frogs and all tiny animals ( yes, even slugs ). could this happen? please get back to me as soon as you can.