h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Gee whiz, am I the only slippery soul around here?

'Do you have any good avoidance techniques for specific topics?'
'Seriously though, if you're 'in the closet', how do you avoid prying questions about your private life?'

For any prying questions, I just look baffled and ask 'why do you want to know?' Usually the person has the sense to back off. If he or she persists, I smile, agree that it's a good question, and excuse myself because I have something important to attend to.

"How rude can you afford to be and still keep your job? Is it ever okay to say 'I'd tell you, but I don't think you can be trusted with the information'?'
If it's none of the person's business, see above. If it IS the person's business, well... you'll have to think about the relative importance of the information and the consequences of telling the truth. If you have some dark secret in your life, you need to think ahead about how you're going to deal with situations like this, then do it and take whatever lumps you've got coming to you.

'What is the best excuse you ever heard for being late?'
See, this guy at the pub said that the Vogons are coming to destroy the planet and next thing I know...

'How do you cover forgetting birthdays and anniversaries?'
With abject apologies and a promise not to do it again. Then you celebrate (belatedly).

'And how do you accept a gift you don't like or decline an invitation for an event you just don't want to go to?"
You sincerely thank the giver for their thoughtfulness. And you thank the person for the invitation but say you won't be able to attend. Simple.

quizzical
(aka Miss Manners)

you can also give a party without being rude

My mum bought me two ties for Christmas one year. I thought I'd please her so I went upstairs and put one on. When I came down she said, "Didn't you like the other one?"

Sometimes there's no winning with mothers...

Best excuse for being late: "I'm sorry I'm late; I would have been here earlier but I wasn't."

Usually takes people at least a couple of seconds to work out what they're missing... And then they usually laugh and forget to be mad at you anyway...

Many years ago when I was a prefect at school we were given the task of 'booking' the latecomers. My closest mate was doing it with me one day and I found out he had a totally different approach to my hard line tactics. "If they can make you laugh don't put them in the book." was his motto. Some of the excuses ranged from Martian Abduction to complicated stories involving buses, robbers and car chases.

I preferred his view of the world to my own, so I adopted it.