Dad, how do people make babies?

Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.

I came from Sears??

No, you were a Blue Light Special at K Mart. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.

-Calvin and Hobbes

It's the question that every parent dreads but must answer eventually. But, sometimes your child askes you before they are ready to know, or before you've gotten up the nerve to tell them. You've got to tell them something. If you can't think of anything, here's a handy list of things you can say.

Where do babies come from?

The Stork-The old standard: When a Mommy and a Daddy want a baby, they call the stork, who then brings the baby to their house.

The Cabbage Patch: Babies grow in cabbage patches, and the Mommy and the Daddy pick them.

The Baby Supermarket: The Mommy and the Daddy go to the baby supermarket, where they have babies of shapes, sizes and colors.

The Doctor's Bag: The Doctor brings the baby in his bag.

The Baby Machine: At the hospital, they have a baby machine. You press a button, and a baby comes out.

A Recipe: You take the right ingredients and mix them in a bowl and then pop it in the oven, bake, and viola, a baby.

The Gooseberry Bush: Babies can be found under gooseberry bushes, but only when in season.

The Watermelon Seed: Babies grow from watermelon seeds.

Mail Order Babies: The Mommy and the Daddy get a catalog, then pick a baby and then it comes in the mail.

The Milkman The milkman brings the baby for the Mommy and Daddy.

The Balloon: If a Mommy and Daddy wish really hard, then a balloon will float down from the sky and when you pop it, a baby is in there.

Special Elves: There are certain elves at the North Pole who get specialized training to make babies. Unlike the rest of the North Pole, though, their shops are open year round.

Clay: The Mommy and the Daddy make the baby out of clay.

The Baby Man: This man travels in a van throughout the neighborhoods, not unlike the ice cream man, and the Mommys and Daddys run up and get a baby

Remember to remain steadfast in your lie, and never crack up when telling your child this. Of course, if you don't like any of these, or you don't want to lie to you children, you can just get your nerve up and tell you child the truth about how babies are brought to the Earth by aliens from the Planet Bey'bi, just like my parents did.