Computer Jokes

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What Your Computer Is Trying To Tell You

A computer in a bin
It says: "Press Any Key"

It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"

It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\DIRECTORY...."

It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"

It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"

It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."

It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."

It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."

It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."

It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

If Life were like a Computer....

Woman asleep at her computer
  • If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over.
  • To get your daily exercise, just click on "run."
  • If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend."
  • To add/remove someone in your life, click "start," "settings," and "control panel."
  • To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
  • If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
  • When you lose your car keys, click "Find."
  • "Help" with chores is just a click away.
  • Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would just use your diskette to recover from a crash.
  • When you make a bad decision, just click "edit," "Undo."

Foot And Mouth Is The First Virus Unable To Spread Through Microsoft

Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook e-mail application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.

"Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through
Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, nexpected,"
said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit.

Executives at Microsoft, meanwhile, were equally skeptical, insisting that Outlook's patented Virus Transfer Protocol (VTP) has proven virtually pervious to any virus. The company, however, will issue a free VTP patch if it turns out the application is not vulnerable to foot-and-mouth.

So Long And Thanks For Laughing

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