h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sounds really cool. More information please!

More information is not available at your security clearance citizen, but thankyou for asking. The computer is, as always, your friend.

The computer wishes to reassure you that your asking for classified information will not in any way be used as a reason to distrust you, and mark you as a potential traitor to alpha complex. Be assured that the internal security squadron who are even now taking up tactical positions around you are merely a safety measure designed to protect you, friend citizen, from further communist influences.

That is all.

Such a reply is typical of the mentally suspect paranoia GM.

Sorry, but you'll just have to deal with. When you have played paranoia with a *good* bunch of players, or even played paranoia with a good GM, you become permanently warped.

In one truly fabulous episode of paranoia history, a group of four players (one of which is also a regular contributor to the guide) were party to a remarkably nasty trick.

Two players, one from PURGE, the other from Death Leopard, arranged for a fake mission briefing for the two less than anti-computer-minded players. The storyline was that the problems in the sector was due to food contamination, and that some secret ingredients had to be added to the sector food supply to rectify the situation. We arranged for these 'additives' (actually large quantities of hallucinogenic drugs) to be provided, and the two players, totally fooled, went and dumped them into the sector food supply.

What's more, after they had done it, they informed the computer of the success of their 'mission'. The computer, not knowing anything about this mission, was rather concerned that they appeared to be responsible for the most outragous mass doping in the history of Alpha Complex, and declared them traitors.

Guess who was on hand to perform the summary execution, and get the credit for it. Yep, myself the PURGE'r and my friend the Death Leopard'er. Both of us get promotion and credit for ridding the complex of two arch-traitors.

Such is the fun of Paranoia.

Paranoia is fun. Other games are not fun. The computer tells you to play paranoia?
Are you going to argue with the computer? Arguing with the computer is treason.

I'm sure Martin would like to comment on this.. (Martin being on the recieving end of this particular stunt...)

I feel there should be a Paranoia on h2g2, as I think you suggested. Another forum, perhaps, and leave this for comments? I'll bring Alundra (aka Dan Fowler, GURPS boy) along too.

If we do create real artificial intelligence, then I think 'Paranoia' is a quite possible outcome...

Idea: change external link to this

your link

Naturally, change the your link bit to something more fun.

Goodness! H2G2 PARANOIA, what a brilliant idea! Truly you were inspired by the Computer's greatness.

Let us pray that the great high programmers in EDT sector approve the post..
(which might take a while, as they are currently inundated with fighting back hordes of commie mutant traitors with articles about highly treasonous subjects)..

Meanwhile, if anyone has any more silly ideas..

Anyone know if the guide editors will allow a page to appear on a webring?

Jim
Alias GORB-U-CHF-4, High programmer

Do it! If they complain, then remove it. I'm sure they wouldn't mind the additional publicity for h2g2. Make sure that you tell any incoming to browse the rest, however.

Created a new forum: we can play in that one. But who is to be the GM? I reckon it should be Caveman.

Attention myself!
I have been volunteered to participate in a dangerous mission in HHG sector.
I am to GM a game of '[Deleted for security reasons]'
Failure to do so is treason, but I don't care.
End of briefing

Exactly what did you have in mind.

If it's to be done properly, I'd need Email addresses for all participants for private (out of public/forum) comments.

At this time, the ultraviolet security clearance Paranoia book, set 2 has gone missing. All I have is set 1, although I have sufficient bits of set 2 to work through it. Not that anyone should notice; if they do notice, they will be executed for reading ultraviolet classified documents!

I also cannot guarantee turnaround time; I tend to dial in every day, except when I don't (like yesterday, when I had to go over to France because I'd run out of alcohol) (Just got back, and this is the actual shipping forecast that affected the Le-Harve to Portsmouth ferry (straight from http://www.meto.gov.uk/datafiles/offshore.html ) What fun that was...

THAMES DOVER WIGHT PORTLAND PLYMOUTH
SOUTHWEST 6 TO GALE 8, OCCASIONALLY SEVERE GALE 9 IN THAMES, DOVER AND WIGHT, VEERING NORTHWEST 4 LATER. RAIN DYING OUT. MODERATE OR POOR BECOMING GOOD

Luckily, I don't get seasick, but lots of other people did. Living only 500 yards from the ferry terminal is useful.

Incedentally, my Email address is on my researcher homepage (Click on Caveman on the first line in this message). It's a bit disguised, but if you can't figure it out, you're not troubleshooter material - Sorry.

One of my emails is tucked away on my page too.

Ok folks.

The fun folks on the paranoia mailing list at egroups.com are currently working on another silly idea from my silly ideas generator.

The Alpha Complex 'ComplexVision Song Contest'.
If you have ever seen the Eurovision Song Contest (a description is available on h2g2 and at most other search engines), then you'll know what's going on. My current favourite in the list is 'Shove yer' bot' by Kevin-U-WOT, which goes something like this:

Shove shove shove yer bot
down to R&D
move it move it move it move it
or you'll pay a fee

If you want to take part, get on the list, and submit your entry before Sunday, which is when the vote will take place...

Regards,
Citizen Gorb-U-CHF-3

Hmm, talking about me.

Yes, the two of us were well and truly had by the three of them.

I never have had the right warped mantal attitude to Paranoia, - I was better at a game callet Toon) but managed to enjoy it none the less.

Other happy memories include a visit to the outside to find Champion the Wonder-bot. We encountered one ot two interesting things on route, which thanks to Jims 100% correct and 200% misleading descriptions, we never figured out what they were during the game play.

One was a railroad crossing, which I think we managed to convince ourselves was a missile launcher or other such device, so we attempted to blow it up and just ended up blasting lumps of concrete about the place.

Finding the 'bot, I went inside to have a look through the only opening we could see, and because it was dark, I ignighted a light. Unfortunately, I had entered through the fuel tank, and like many petrol tanks exposed to heat, it blew up destroying the bot, killing my three felow clones.

Due to the excellent work of the R&D people, my flame proof armour actually worked, and I was able to get back as the only survivor of the mission (i.e. highly suspicious).

Another episode that springs to mind was this gun R&D game me. It was like the smart guns in the Aliiens film, capable of firing on multiple targets and voice controlled. We were in a tight spot, lots of traitors shooting at us when I told the gun to shoot everybody. One of the troubleshooters asked me to modify the orders so that it excluded 'those three'.

The gun promptl shot all the enemies and myself! Jim being as literal as ever.

Very enjoyable.

Martin