Disco (Badger) Inferno 7-10 May 2004 - Part 1

1 Conversation

The following events took place at the Butlins resort in Bognor Regis between Friday 7 May and Saturday 8 May 2004. No badgers were harmed in the making of this log.


  • 1907 - Serephina, EV and fords arrive at the Lamb Inn in Bognor Regis to find 2legs, Genie, Reefgirl, Excelsior and 'some bloke'1
  • 1908 - Discussion about 2legs' pants ensues
  • 1910 - fords complains about English bar prices
  • 1932 - 2legs likes the smell of napalm in the morning
  • 1935 - Serephina and fords have a fight
  • 1940 - 2legs: "I told him to f**k off, but Creachy's alright"
  • 1955 - "Is there a plot to split up the meet?"
  • 1956 - Previous entry explained
  • 2000 - Reefgirl found standing outside the gents, apparently waiting for 2legs
  • 2002 - For the last year, Serephina said she'd snog fords if she stood on a box and pretended to be a pirate. After saying she doesn't usually snog random people, Serephina is surprised to find out fords' real name is Tracey
  • 2011 - Serephina knocks first drink of the weekend over. Much swearing ensues
  • 2011 - 2legs threatens to lick EV's trousers
  • 2012 - 2legs sees dead people - and snogs them2
  • 2016 - Burping competition starts between Serephina and 2legs
  • 2040 - Genie and Northern Boy return from finding the chalets at Butlins, complaining they've 'busted their arses humping bags'
  • 2043 - 2legs offers EV money, however it is unclear why
  • 2045 - EV and fords can't remember Northern Boy's real name, having just been introduced. They decide to call him Bruce
  • 2051 - Justin arrives. 2legs wets himself
  • 2052 - 2legs realises he's wet himself
  • 2055 - Justin arranges for 2legs to have Sex on the Beach
  • 2100 - 2legs asks Northern Boy if he's an axe murderer. He replies only in his spare time
  • 2106 - Serephina 'ho yus!'ed into submission
  • 2114 - The group leaves the pub for Butlins
  • 2200 - Whilst 'testing the bed', EV and fords invite Serephina (who was caught peeking round the door) for a threesome and are told to f**k off
  • 2305 - Barry White did not sleep with Britney Spears
  • 2319 - Genie has a blonde moment
  • 2333 - fords licks her own elbow
  • 2334 - 2legs tries to do the same
  • 2334 and 30 seconds - 2legs licks his toes
  • 2335 - Gives up due to smell
  • 2347 - EV and fords: smiley - "Let's get pished again, like we did last summer...."
  • 2356 - Reefgirl asks 2legs 'Who or what is Nighthoover?'. 2legs obliges
  • Saturday

  • 0024 - fords describes the classic children's game 'Shite Alight'
  • 0051 - Spillage: Serephina does it again
  • 0055 - Further spillage. Guess who?
  • 0108 - Everyone flagging apart from Serephina, who wants to go out
  • 0120 - 2legs has gone; Serephina excited about Genie's drawers
  • 0127 - David Bowie suggested as voice of Davros in new Dr Who series. EV's Bobby Davros joke ignored
  • 0130 - Ellie: 'I don't care if my pants are showing'. 2legs not present
  • 0155 - Genie mishears 'pig oinking' with filthy results
  • 0200 - Genie asks Dmons to turn on her camera so she can take a photo of a drunken Serephina
  • 0205 - No more vodka for Genie... something about ostrich feathers?
  • 0211 - Genie tells all about spending a long time choosing her shop (not top!)
  • 0214 - Serephina answers the door, however it's next door's door being knocked
  • 0216 - Reefgirl opens the door in her nightie3. Genie gets down on her knees
  • 0221 - Serephina asks for Genie Juice for breakfast
  • 0230 - Genie admits to not washing for a year and a half
  • 0230 - Genie realises she hasn't brought a whip with her
  • 0239 - Genie: 'Why do these things keep popping out of my mouth?'
  • 0320 - Genie: 'I will find a spanky stick'; Dmons: 'Your hand is fine'
  • 0330 - Dmons and Genie last ones awake - hardcore!!
  • 1200 - Bacon 'pieces' all round
  • 1205 - First prize of the weekend goes to Serephina for being the clumsiest moo ever
  • 1237 - Justin sets kitchen on fire
  • 1241 - Serephina wants to lick EV's arse with cheesecake
  • 1242 - fords cleans her ears out
  • 1243 - 2legs suggests the group starts drinking again
  • 1245 - The Badger song is totally mutilated
  • 1246 - 2legs invents fire. Serephina explains to him he's holding his lighter the wrong way up
  • 1307 - Various ways to dispose of celebrities in the name of entertainment discussed. Ideas include Celebrity Bomb Disposal, Real Life Celebrity Deathmatch and Celebrity Medical Testing
  • 1317 - My Favourite Operations
  • 1400 - Genie, Dmons and Ellie go back to bed while the rest of the gang go out for food
  • 1400 to 1700 - The following takes place in the Sun and Moon pub:

    Reefgirl eats huge slice of chocolate cake then complains about it; Serephina is given a bib; Justin eats 1lb of cow pie; mickey taken out of wedding party (all six of them); fords gets forked by Serephina; EV opens wide for the 'big aeroplane'; fords gives Serephina her strapon back4
  • 1720 - Back at the chalet, Serephina and fords play Stareout. Serephina insists blinking is in the rules
  • 1721 - Strange mystery random woman invades chalet, claiming wrong room. 2legs not impressed
  • 1730 - Justin makes vodka jelly and says it will be ready in four minutes
  • 1745 - Vodka jelly still not ready. General disappointment and disillusionment
  • 1746 - Nighthoover knocks on the front door and runs away
  • 1756 - 2legs reveals the key to a balanced diet: a drink in each hand
  • 1757 - Genie makes Genie Juice - Sex on the Beach
  • 1758 - Reefgirl: 'It goes down really smooth'
  • 1759 - EV is concerned about sand in his bits
  • 1759 - Northern Boy more worried about pebbles
  • 1835 - 2legs shows the group his thong
  • 1839 - After being sprayed with glitter, 2legs lights a fag and explodes in a cascade of stars
  • 1844 - Serephina manages to break a glass
  • 1900 - Dmons finally surfaces
  • 1906 - Lots of people drink Rolf Harris's urine... apparently!
  • 1916 - Reefgirl gets the Jesus Award for feeding the 5,000. Well, 11 people
  • 1929 - Ellie disappears with Dmons. Nudge nudge, wink wink, WSBO, say no more! smiley -
  • 1932 - fords happy to drink anything except Guinness
  • 1933 - EV and 2legs disappear together
  • 1939 - Nighthoover's hairbrush found. World War 2 breaks out
  • 1940 - 'Moon Unit! Your dinner's ready!'
  • 1942 - fords to EV: 'Isn't it great to be Scottish and take the piss out of other people's accents?'
  • 1942 - 2legs has a friend who is a secret ned
  • 1953 - 2legs wants girl on girl action. Post-war depression blamed
  • 1954 - 2legs has a feel of Ellie's 'bondage shoes'
  • 2011 - EV: 'I've just been getting dressed'
  • 2012 - Reefgirl invents the h2g2 Cocktail: vodka, peach schnapps, Southern Comfort and orange juice
  • 2013 - Serephina: 'Don't ask why Tracey's covered in my lip gloss'
  • 2030 - EV says he doesn't mind Serephina snogging fords, as long as he can watch. And take pictures. 2legs wishes Wumbie was here as there would be better pictures
  • 2046 - Serephina is a 'geezer bird'. 2legs says all girls should sit with their legs open
  • 2102 - You can get fellatio on the NHS, allegedly
  • 2130 - Genie wants to know if Serephina and Justin are coming out. Northern Boy doesn't know but will contact a reliable source for information...
  • 2155 - fords finally gets her way with Serephina. 2legs wants to know where his snog is
  • 2156 - Genie takes Justin to bed - eventually!
  • 2200 - Everyone heads out for Badger Inferno!smiley -

See Part 2 here

Photos by Genie

Photos by Archangel Dr Justin
Photos by Reefgirl

Deciphered by fords

13.05.04 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1Later introduced as Dmons2Please note: We don't condone necrophilia!3Funny place to have a door...4This may be apocryphal or wildly inaccurate.

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