Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux]

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Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux]

Hello ye faithful few who haven't deserted me after last week's Penguin debacle. This week, for your entertainment I will put on a silly hat, grab my gas powered repeater crossbow and go to Transylvania with my assistant Carl to kill Dracula himself!

*reads notes again*

Oh, wait, I'm Mr Inquisitor, not Mr Van Helsing. Oh well, I guess I can try and be entertaining, so without further ado, with the exception of this ado, obviously, let me introduce the latest damsel to throw herself with cheerful abandon into the lair of the stony one, Luthenia!

Well Luthiena, thanks for volunteering yourself to the trial that is Meet Mr Inquisitor. That's an extremely brave thing for a Thingite to do, what with my barely contained scorn for you weirdy-beardy types and your strange and undecipherable plans for the universe. So here goes nothing. What on Earth is wrong with Thursday being called Thursday??

Well Thursday (and I shudder at saying such a word) is not descriptive of the day as a whole. Thing, however, decribes the barely concealed confusion of the human race on this strangest of days...

Well, given that ever-so vague reason for your plans, I think I'll put the Thingites back in their box for today. Well, seeing as the only thing I like more than blowing my own trumpet is having my trumpet blown, what made you volunteer for the Inquisitorial Dentist's Chair™?

Mainly because I'd never been interviewed before and I like trying new experiences. I've also seen you around on various threads and jumped at the chance to maybe get to know you a bit better.

That might explain why your answers are pretty short, you must be awestruck at my celebrity status and all-round greatness. Here's a question you might be able to ramble on a bit for; If you were given control of the planet Earth for one week, and were given the resources to do pretty much whatever you wanted, what would you do?

Well first and foremost I would make Johnny Depp my sex slave... *ahem*... Honestly, I would probably alter few things as I would be so afraid I would muck it all up. I would definitely destroy all nuclear weapons and the notes/research on how to make them. I hate weapons altogether (except the broadsword...) so I would ban most of them unless anyone could provide me personally with a very good reason why they should own one.

I would make sure everyone had a loving family as, if there's one thing I've always wanted, it's a loving family.

I know this probably isn't feasible but I would try and wipe out poverty (I know this sounds like a corny answer and hell maybe it is but I just hate poverty)

I would also make h2g2 a compulsory activity for everyone in the world.

I hope that's long enough but I'm still in awe of your greatness...*ahem*

*puts away her book on 'How to suck up'*

Well, poverty isn't well loved by most people, especially the poor. Right, so we've covered your plans for the planet earth and brought up poverty, so here's a tricky one for you. Do you think it's right that the USA spends billions on the Space Program whilst people in Africa starve? Even with the possible benefits of research carried out in space.

No absolutely not, space exploration is something done by the western world to make itself look good. I personally think that they (and we) have no right to spend our billions on exploring other worlds when the one we have is in such a mess.

Ah, but then again, isn't everything in the Western World done to make it look good? The war in Iraq is a war about oil disguised as the Americans (and the Brits) being wonderful liberators. So of course the obvious question is this; Has Matt Groening gone a season (or three) too far with The Simpsons?

Laugh... of course it was the obvious question...

No, he can never have too much Simpson's, the bit where Homer is in... laugh... taffy... kidney...

*wipes tears of laughter from her eyes*

Erm, quite. (Shazz, can the troglodytes you send to be ritually humiliated please be vetoed in future?) Now then, my traditional Meet Mr Inquisitor Fight Question™ this week is a controversial one. In the blue corner, we have the mysterious HPB, author of Small Screen Surfin' and Jedi Academy boss, armed with his sarcastic wit and the word 'meh'. In the red corner we have Asmodai Dark, author of AD's DVDs and RPG stalwart armed with his bullish attitude and a DVD case. Who will emerge victorious Luth? You decide!

Please call me Ena (I hate Luth...)

I would have to say HPB for three reasons:

  1. He's the only one I've met and I kind of like him, even if he did send me to Kashyyyk on a mission I didn't understand and hurried me through it even though I had a lot of blog... *ahem*... sorry.
  2. I love the Jedi Academy RPG, I haven't even been there that long and I'm completely addicted.
  3. I'm scared that HPB will hunt me down and kill me if I don't pick him...

Well, you managed to make that completely uncontroversial there Ena. Right, my penultimate question of our interview is this; If you had to make a choice between losing your sight and losing your hearing, which would it be and why?

Losing my hearing... I'm already half-way there and I can lip read well enough (although I don't know sign language.)

There are so many things I love to see...

Well, the final question of these events is the one I blatantly copy and paste into each interview. What's the most important thing you've learned through being a member of h2g2?

The most important thing I have learnt from hootoo? Well, I've learnt a lot about various the topics of various articles (such as how to keep a headless chicken alive...).

But the most important thing I've learnt from hootoo is how to live in a community without a lot of enormous bust-ups; we all have our fights on here but it's so big that it is relatively easy to avoid someone you don't like or who doesn't like you.

The friends you gain from hootoo are some of the most loyal, caring and intelligent people I have ever met and I know I couldn't be without them.

Many thanks to Luthenia, a real person in a real interview. Not Penguin-like at all.


Next week we have Egon in the hotseat to discuss the very future of hootoo, followed by Number Six, Dr Anthea, Reverend Jack Russell and the newly returned Werekitty! Should you want to join such luminaries as these, don't hesitate to contact the lovely shazz via email, and she'll hunt you down and drag you kicking and screaming to Inquisitorial HQ.

Until then, I've been Mr Inquisitor, Adios!

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