h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am actually the proud owner of two towels - one (my first towel) which has an unintelligeble design of red, blue and purple on it, which I mainly use for showering and keeping dry in rain. Due to this is is usually in a permentently 'damp' state, and so never gets used for this. As to why it stays damp although I never use it I dont know...

It doesnt taste good.

My other towel is slightly newer, and has been specially sewn so that I can fold 4 Jam Sponges in it at once. It boasts a black design, in the form of a camera. (Dont know why someone chose this as a design for a towel, but its one I actually *do* own!) I use it as my food/Hunting towel, but it is made of a material that is designed to resist crumbs and or blood. It doesnt taste good either.

I have three towels:

One is emballished with green and white checks; this is my combat towel.

One has brown, green and beige stripes (a suprisingly tasteful design); this is my dead posh spare towel.

The last is a smaller, red, puple and blue towel with a delightful fish motif. This last towel is the one that I carry around with me, as it is compact yet practical. A perfect combination!

My dream towel would have two squares of yellow cellophane in the corner. These are for looking through whenever you feel you may be entering the long dark teatime of the soul. They immediately make the world feel good again.

Actually my towel is very boring,by necessity. These humans with which the world is infested can't cope with my towel actually walking around and taking part in political discussions etc, which means I have to continually administer an anaesthetic to stop it getting impatient for a walk.
The towel is white and of a luxurious thickness which is always nice: thin,threadbare towels are a device of Satan. It came from some planet which I was passing, where it was working as a pastry chef till I rescued it. I sewed an M&S label on to increase its disguise.

I own three towels. My favourite is the orange one, (you can see it at http://www.h2g2.com/A238312 ) which is a very rough and durable towel, just about big enough to wrap round my waist, and folds compactly. It is ideal for hitchhiking/camping, which is what I use it for.
I also own an Australian beach towel with tassels and bizarre designs on it, which I take to the beach to amuse people with.
Finally I have a blue towel with a squarey pattern on which is for everyday use.
I would own more towels but they keep running away.

I've got black ink on my towel.
God knows where it came from (and
as he vanished in puff of logic sometime back
I obviously can't ask him.)
I just wanted know if anyone else has mysteriously encountered black ink,
without visiting MaW's bedroom carpet, and has
discovered a good way to get rid of it.
I was just getting my towel all nice and broken in too,
I'd nearly trained it to stand up all by it's self and
I was preparing for a master class on 'the towel
which can walk out the door by it's self' because
I thought this would be particularly useful when hitchhiking.

So any way,

Any advice you can give on black ink removal would be heartily appreciated.

FABT

perhaps it is oil from a beach? Or squid ink?
Try one of those really horrible cleaning liquids that eats virtually everything except the clothes. Your towel will probably end up bleached white but it'll be clean...

I'm writing on behalf of fabt:

Did you know that squid make good replacement knicker elastic if you don't cook it properly?

Sounds a bit like my pasta.

I've just noticed my towel is looking a bit under the weather. It must have some sort of strange skin infection, as that is the only way I can explain the sudden raggedness and pink splodges on its deep blue surface. I thought nanotech never broke down! would someone please explain what the problem is!

You could try washing it occasionally. I have it on good authority that washing helps.
And if you're handy with a darning needle you could perform some impromptu surgery.
I advise you to get it examined by a professional towel vetenarian. I don't want to alarm you, but remember that towels, like all living creatures, have a limited lifespan. Treat it carefully and it'll live to a ripe old age.

I always keep my towel in a state of permanent dampness so that it doesn't need washing.
I don't thnk sewing would make much difference, as the damage only extends to some sligth bald patches. Should I invest in a "Towel-Toupee"(patent pending)?

I used to keep my towel in a state of permanent dampness but it went mouldly. I had to wash it quickly before the RSPCT noticed.

I am reliably informed (by the estates and buildings
department of my university) that all mould, mildew
and other fungal growths can be perminently cured
by slapping a coat of paint over the top of it..

I therefore suggest this as a solution.

FABT

The solution is simple for all forms of towel-dwelling organic life. Simply use your towel to wipe the top of a bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit, as demonstrated in the Guide, and all organic life will instantly die of pleasure in the pungent Janx fumes.

Alternatively, bubble the towel in Fallian marsh gas.