h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello there Captain John Carter (AKA Heyou).

How about starting by becoming a wee bit more informal - how should I adress you? Surely the entire name is a wee bit much, don't you think?
I accept almost any abbreviations of my name; Kim, KC, Cat, KMTCT or stuff like that, but then counsellors are supposed to be openminded and not easily offended. Please remember that this is a family site, that's all I ask. You may also say KimotoCat. Or my rank, number or even a nickname. You know, something that identifies easily.

Now then - feel free to do some serious, analytical and selectedly mindless ranting.

Your counsellor

-KimotoCat

You can call me CJ, you can call me JC, or just CC. I guess "Your Eminence" is formal ain't it? Please don't refer to me as John
Boy or call me late for dinner.

Or think up something like you know that seems like to fit.

I'll just call you my savior, my only hope for sanity, my kitty in shining fur, the most wonderful, most brilliant counsellor on three planets. Maybe thats a bit long. Hows about 'Doc Kimsy'.

So like one day I'm hiding out from injuns in this cave and I like lose consciousness and like wake up on another planet and have to fight all the alien like creatures and meet this beautiful red woman and she is a princess and I lose her and I have to fight to get her back and in the process I unite some of the cultures on the planet and save the whole planet from iminent death and pass out and come to in a cave and live for another ten years on my home planet and then I figure out how to go back to the other planet and have to fight some more and I unite most of the planet while saving my princess again and find I have a son (I knew we had had an egg together but did not seen him (it) for ten years)and become the Jeddak of Jeddaks, Warlord of Barsoom and now my son has gone away and I don't know what is going to happen to him cause I haven't read that far yet and I am so busy running a planet and leading warriors and all I want to do is settle down with my princess (did I mention we got married?)and have some daughters cause like I already got a son and he seems to be following in my footsteps and all so can you help me?

Yes; finish the book and get back to me about the - hopefully - happy ending.

Till then, just rant some more.

Trust your Doc Kimsey to get the job done.

Meow for now - your counsellor

Book?! What book?









Oh. That book - oops.

So what if it is a books. I am just like that guy.

I am - honest.
(well sorta,at least kinda)
If I was stonger and a better fighter than everyone (everything in his case) else on the planet I could have save it too. And won the Princesses heart and all that. Really! I could - couldn't I? And everybody would think I was great and they would all like me and say nice things to me and not snicker behind my back (well usually behind my back). They would! Honest to god they would! I just know it.

My point precisely!

Thankyou thankyou thankyou. You have got to be the bestest counsellor in all the multiple galaxies in all the multiple universes in all the multiple realities (or is that unrealities). You is just the best.


Yahoo, Yipee, Yahoo, Yipee - you fixed me, honestly you did. Golly I will be forever in your debt and in some cultures you will be forever in my debt and in other cultures creatures will look at us with their eyestalks crossed and wonder what all this stuff about debt is cause everything is food to them. But I am sure they will find me you wonderfully tasteful. Cause you have such a tasteful (tastey?) sort of character. I think I will go see if I can find Carthoris and maybe sort out a few galaxies. This business of working with mere planets is childs play now that YOU have fixed me and made me all better just like you.

See ya round the galaxies

Yes.

Try to rant some more and I'm sure we'll get somewhere.

(I know, 'ranting' has such a negative ring to it. But in MY book (if I could just remember where I put that) it is a sort of therapy! So you need not worry - about that.)

Your counsel - KimotoCat

Your Book!!!? Where can I get it. I have looked everywhere. What does it look like? Who's the publisher? I want lots of copies so I can give them to everyone I know cause you are just the best most wonderful, most inciteful counsellor in the whole world, the whole solar system, even the whole galaxy - the bestest in the whole universe. I know I bin a round. and everyone else seems to be a square. and I know if the were to get your book then they could be a round also. So if you got a round tuit then maybe you can tell me where to buy your book. and if you can't get a round tuit then let me know, I think I have on around here somewhere. It is a real round tuit, those artificial ones aren't quite round and the really cheap one are almost square. So if you get a round tuit let me know.

Cause you is the bestest of the bestest of the bestest and I want everyone to know. Doc Kimsey is tops. Not the kind that spins but the kind that is the bestest of the bestest of the bestest.

Cause you is the bestest of the bestest of the bestest and I want everyone to know. Doc Kimsey is tops. Not the kind that spins but the kind that is the bestest of the bestest of the bestest.

Once you've cured all his other problems, KC, you can start on his hero-worship...

Why would I want to do that?

HEY!!

What about me???

Who is this MrRedDice guy and why is he horning in on my sessions. Doc Kimsey, You is my counsellor caws yous is the bestest of the bestest of the bestest and who is this MrRedDice guy to be horning on my session? Its my dime!!! (oops... just remembered I ain't paying squat for your invaluable time there Doc Kimsey)

So like anyway...???

ok, ok, I'm going!

*runs away*

I was just kidding MyRedDice, I'm getting lonely here. Please come back! I am sooooo Lonely!

I haven't heard from Doc Kimsey in so long. Where did she go. I am sooooo Lonely!

Are you still there MyRedDice. Please come back. I am sooooo Lonely!

Where are you MyRedDice, are you still there? I am soooo Lonely!

Where are you Doc Kimsey? I miss you. I am sooooo Lonely!

Hi there.

Okay, so I'm back. But my dear Capn, you need to ASK me something before I can come here and ANSWER you. As you have already so blatantly stressed out, I do happen to be the doc around here, so I need to do doctoring.

No need to worry abou Doc Kimsey - she's right here with you now.

So, what troubles you my dear?

-KC

I miss MyRedDice. Do you know where he(?) went? I think I was mean to her(?) and scared it(?) away. I feel so miserable. I think I got MyRedDice mad. What do you think. Hunh Doc Kimsey? Do you know where MyRedDice went? Tell him/her/it to come back please. I didn't mean to be mean. That is I didn't mean to be nasty rather than I didn't nasty to be mean. I just want to make friends. What are friends like? Do you have any friends. I think you must have lots of friends cause you is so perfect Doc Kimsey. How did you get so many friends. Can you lend me some? I miss MyRedDice.

Come now, you are MY friend, you know. I guess that counts for something.

I am sure RedDice just has a very busy time, I haven't seen much of him/her either. Now, I've been busy too, so perhaps that's why.

Offcourse you may follow the link to my Researchers-Page and see if you find anything you like there. Feel free to talk to anybody or just hang around. Hey, give me an e-mail adress and I'll even mail you privately - and that's not something Doc Kimsey does for just anybody, you know!

Relax and smile, it's summer! (On the Northern hemisphere anyway, I don't knopw in what part of the world you are...)

See ya. - KC

*moves out of the shadows*

"I never really went away..."

*moves back into the shadows, glancing back over his shoulder*

Hi MyRedDice, I so glad you didn't go. I hope I didn't upset you.
Thanks for hanging around. You are so kind. You don't have to hide in the shadows, I promise not to be mean anymore.