h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll be White (Computer Notation Please):

1. e2e4 ????


Here's a few basic strategies and rules for beginners:

The Basic Foundations Of Chess

Chess consists of a checker like board alternating between 2 colours, one dark and one light. These may vary betweem different chess sets. We call the dark squares black squares or dark squares and the light squares white squares or light squares as this is the most common colour alternation for the average board. We always start with a white square on our right.
Chess consists of two players taking it in turns to capture the opponents king. We each start with 16 Chess men so we have 32 pieces in an entire set. White usually goes first.
There are 64 squares on the chess board. Each with 8 rows and 8 columns witch in Chess we call Ranks and files. There are eaiser ways to find out the position of pieces on the board and movements of the pieces by notation witch we will find out about later.
There are six different types of chess men. Now get out a chess set and I will explain the pieces. Ready? OK! Can you see the pieces that look like castles or towers? These are called Rooks. They always start in the corners. They move up, down, left and right or, vertically and horizontally in any number of squares but cannot jump over the pieces. Only one type of piece can jump over the pieces and we will mention it later.
All pieces capture by moving onto the square witch the captured piece occupied unlike checkers. We can also not capture to pieces at a time as that will be counted as two moves. Only castling consists of moving two pieces in one move and to save complications we will mention it later.
Can you find the pieces with slits in them? These are called bishops they can move diagnally in any number of squares and once again cannot jump over the pieces.
Now you have mastered the movement of the Rook and the Bishop we can learn about the Queen. It can move like a Rook and a Bishop. Therefore it can move horizontally, vertically and diagnally. It is the 2nd tallest piece with a coronet on top.
Now here is the setup of the pieces so far from left to right. E meaning empty:
REBQEBER
Now we will learn about the king. Witch can move anywhere one square at a time. It is the tallest piece with a cross on top. It may seem pretty feeble but it is very important. The object of the game is to try to use your own pieces so the king cannot move. This is called checkmate. If there is a way to get out of this then it is called check. There are three possible ways to get out of check. You can block a pieces path threatening the king with your own pieces. This is probably the worst way to get out of check as the piece may be able to capture that piece next move. Try blocking the check with less valueable pieces. We will be able to find out about piece value later.
The next way of getting out of check is moving your king to a safe square. This is probably second best as if you move it to another sqaure then the opponent can be trying to force you to checkmate. Try avoiding chechmate with the strategys later here. You can also learn about trying to force checkmate yourself.
The best way is to capture the piece threatening you. It is worth it learning about the availabvle movements of the king in certain places to avoid checkmate.
In a corner the king can only move three squares. There it is in risk from checkmate. Try keeping your king away from the corner squares.
On the edge it can move five squares. This is usually safe as the king can try and get itself out of check. The keeping it away from the middle edge of the board. This is very dangerous.
In the middle of the board it can move eight squares. The king in this position can be very risky. Try not moving your king at the start of the game.
Here are the current pieces we know set up from left to right for white. For black just switch the king and queen around. The queen always goes on the same colour square as its colour. So a balck queen goes on a balck square:
REBQKBER....

TO BE CONTINUED. Since this is so long I will have to leave it for tomorrow.

1. e2e4 ????


Here's a few basic strategies and rules for beginners:

The Basic Foundations Of Chess

Chess consists of a checker like board alternating between 2 colours, one dark and one light. These may vary betweem different chess sets. We call the dark squares black squares or dark squares and the light squares white squares or light squares as this is the most common colour alternation for the average board. We always start with a white square on our right.
Chess consists of two players taking it in turns to capture the opponents king. We each start with 16 Chess men so we have 32 pieces in an entire set. White usually goes first.
There are 64 squares on the chess board. Each with 8 rows and 8 columns witch in Chess we call Ranks and files. There are eaiser ways to find out the position of pieces on the board and movements of the pieces by notation witch we will find out about later.
There are six different types of chess men. Now get out a chess set and I will explain the pieces. Ready? OK! Can you see the pieces that look like castles or towers? These are called Rooks. They always start in the corners. They move up, down, left and right or, vertically and horizontally in any number of squares but cannot jump over the pieces. Only one type of piece can jump over the pieces and we will mention it later.
All pieces capture by moving onto the square witch the captured piece occupied unlike checkers. We can also not capture to pieces at a time as that will be counted as two moves. Only castling consists of moving two pieces in one move and to save complications we will mention it later.
Can you find the pieces with slits in them? These are called bishops they can move diagnally in any number of squares and once again cannot jump over the pieces.
Now you have mastered the movement of the Rook and the Bishop we can learn about the Queen. It can move like a Rook and a Bishop. Therefore it can move horizontally, vertically and diagnally. It is the 2nd tallest piece with a coronet on top.
Now here is the setup of the pieces so far from left to right. E meaning empty:
REBQEBER
Now we will learn about the king. Witch can move anywhere one square at a time. It is the tallest piece with a cross on top. It may seem pretty feeble but it is very important. The object of the game is to try to use your own pieces so the king cannot move. This is called checkmate. If there is a way to get out of this then it is called check. There are three possible ways to get out of check. You can block a pieces path threatening the king with your own pieces. This is probably the worst way to get out of check as the piece may be able to capture that piece next move. Try blocking the check with less valueable pieces. We will be able to find out about piece value later.
The next way of getting out of check is moving your king to a safe square. This is probably second best as if you move it to another sqaure then the opponent can be trying to force you to checkmate. Try avoiding chechmate with the strategys later here. You can also learn about trying to force checkmate yourself.
The best way is to capture the piece threatening you. It is worth it learning about the availabvle movements of the king in certain places to avoid checkmate.
In a corner the king can only move three squares. There it is in risk from checkmate. Try keeping your king away from the corner squares.
On the edge it can move five squares. This is usually safe as the king can try and get itself out of check. The keeping it away from the middle edge of the board. This is very dangerous.
In the middle of the board it can move eight squares. The king in this position can be very risky. Try not moving your king at the start of the game.
Here are the current pieces we know set up from left to right for white. For black just switch the king and queen around. The queen always goes on the same colour square as its colour. So a black queen goes on a black square:
REBQKBER

Now pick up the two pieces that look like horses. These are knights. These are the pieces that can jump over the pieces. The knight moves in a very complicated way to explain. Here are two different ways to describe its movement:

1: Moves like an L.
2: Moves two squares in any direction. Then one square in a right angle to the last square.

Now here is the setup so far for the entire board from whites view:
RNBQKBKR
EEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEE
RNBQKBKR
There is on last piece to mention. By now you should have 16 little pieces all the same. These are called pawns. They can move 1 square at a time. On a pawns first move it MAY move two squares (By capitalizing the may I hope that you understand that you don’t have to move a pawn two squares on its first move.).
The board is separated into two different sides. The King side and the Queen Side. The king side is the side in witch the king stays on its starting position and vice versa.

Complex Rules

There are more wyas to end games thanwin and lose. There are also possible ways to draw.
If a person resigns then the opponent wins the game. On your move you may also offer a draw and if accepted then you get 1/2 a point each in tournaments.
Also if you can't manage to make a move without the opponent capturing that piece then it is stalemate. The game is drawed. This usually happens when there is only a king left. Try to avoid stalemate in the endgame. If you are the player wiht a king left then you should try and make a draw.
Also if both players make 50 moves each without a pawn move or capture then a draw can be offered. This can only be possible when the game is being watched or played in a tournament. If you make 3 moves each and you can prove that you have both made the same move then you can draw. Once again additional rules apply from the 50 move rule.
In tournaments if you touch a piece then you have to move it if you can. If you touch one of your opponents pieces then you have to capture it if possible.
When a pawn waits on its 5th rank and the opponents pawn moves next to it the the pawn waiting on the 5th rank can take it by moving your pawn in front of the enemy pawn to capture that pawn.
The king and rook can develop by the king moving two squares left or right then the Rook jumps over the king. This is called castling.It is usually safe to castle on the king side.

Notation

Wait for tommorow!

I'm sorry but this is the chess club here. We all already know the rules. If it was not for your article I would have definatly played against you.
Sorry but I do not take well to the condescending tone used especially when you have made mistakes in the rules.