h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hi
i don't pretend to know how to write these characters to keep them true... i haven't found my character yet... but here is one posting to get the thing started...

please feel free to take on one of these characters or some other one... one that you know pretty well

*As the Starship Enterprise emerges out of hyperdrive, we see Captain Kirk and Spock in discussion on the bridge... . They are gazing in consternation at the viewer... well, Kirk is... Spock is stoically non-consternated.*

Kirk: What is... that... Spock?

Spock: It appears to be a giant interstellar sea turtle, Jim. It appears to have four large elephants on its back. It appears that is a flat world balanced atop their backs. I conjecture we could call it a disc world.

Kirk: Enlarge image, Sulu.

*As the viewing screen zooms in, they see a human figure clinging to a tree that has grown out of an escarpment just over the edge of the disc... sea water cascades around him and down. The man is wearing an old dressing gown and has a terrified look on his face. Above him, standing on a rock jutting out of the cascade, is a figure dangling a rope down to him*

Kirk: What... is that... thinG? Spock?

Spock: It appears to be a Wookie, Jim.

*On the viewscreen, there is a flash of white light and a spaceship comes into view. It is small, much smaller than the Enterprise, and is shaped like an egg with two stubby wings on either side, and what looks like a tail swooping over the back and coming to a point where the egg begins to narrow.*

The strange ship hails the Enterprise...

*The Enterprise waves back*

no... wait

Kirk: Enterprise to small, much smaller egg shaped Andalite Tail fighter with two stubby wings on either side and with what DOES look like a tail swooping over the back and comingto a point where the egg begins tonaaaaarrow...
Identify yourselves, please and kindly move over, you are blocking our view of one terrified tree hugger and his wookie rescuer. Kirk out.

The view screen flickers to reveal an Andalite, with his triangular face covered in blue fur, no nose or nouth, only a series of slits to accommodate air, two very large, yellow, expressive eyes about where a human's eyes would be and two more eyes on stalks above his head that are constantly moving and twitching in all directions. A shiny black blade-like thing, curved and wickedly sharp, waves in and out of view*


, says the Andalite, in a voice more seen than heard,

There is a pause after Aximili's message as everone on the Enterprise bridge digests it... then a burst of laughter that goes on way too long... then...

Kirk: (wiping hysterical tears from his eyes) We... don't... recognise this sector either. Have... you by... chance looked behind you? You... are... not the... only one in dire straits...

*The Andalite turns his ship and...>

SPOCK: Yes, well, then, how do you explain it?