h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just thought id post the staggering amount of players linked with my team this summer and id like your opinion on who you think may be tempted by the Riverside.

1.Diomansy Kamara
2.Steve Sidwell(Reading)
3.Nicky Shorey (Reading)
4.Zoltan Gera (Wst Brom)
5.J`loyd Samuel(Aston Villa)
6.Vladimir Bystrov (CSKA Moskow)
7.Scott Brown(To late for him)
8.Steven Whittaker (Hibs)
9.David Murphy(Hibs)
10.Stephan Appiah(Fenerbahce)
11.Micheal Chopra(Cardiff City)
12.Sean Davis(Fulham)
13.Luke Varney(Crewe)
14.Lee Hendrie(Aston Villa)
15.Jose Bosingwa(Porto)
16.Cristian Pulhac(Dinamo Bucharest)
17.Phillip Degen(Borussia Dortmund)
18.David Degen(The other Borussia that i cant spell)
19.Mohammod Kallon(Monaco)
20.Russell Anderson(Aberdeen)
21.Igor Tudor(Juventus)
22.David Healy(Leeds)
23.Rolando Bianchi(Reggiana)
24.Jeremie Aliadiere(Arsenal)
25.Steve Howard(Derby County)
26.Joey Barton(Still Man. City)
27.Micheal Brown(Fulham)
28.Gary O`Neil(Portsmouth)
29.David Hellbuyck(PSG)
30.Darren Purse(Cardiff)
31.Ian Harte(Levante)
32.Chris Porter(Oldham)
33.Mauro Camoranesi(Juventus)
34.Mustapha Riga(Levante)
35.Cristian Riveros(Libertad)
36.Luke Moore(Aston Villa)
37.Marcelo(Corinthians)
38.Paul Mcshane(West Brom)
39.Asamoah Gyan(Udinese)
40.Jermaine Defoe(Tottenham Hotspur)
41.Wagner Love(CSKA Moskow)
42.Marlon Harewood(West Ham)
43.Nigel Reo-Coker(West Ham)
44.Rowan Fernandez(Kaiser Chiefs(Not those ones))
45.Geremi(Chelsea)
46.Kerlon(Cruzeiros)
47.Cristiano Lucarelli
48.Boedwiejn Zenden(Liverpool)
49.Oguchi Onyewu(Standard Liege)
50.Alan Smith(Mancheaters United)
51.Collins John(Fulham)

The Borussia you can't spell is Munchengladbach IIRC.

As for that list, Sidwell's linked with Chelsea (guess where he'd rather go) Barton's off to Newcastle, Smith is more likely to go to Spurs, Harte's crap and Healy's probably going to link up with Sanchez at Fulham.

Hasn't Sidwell already signed for Chelsea?

Who is the least popular man at the Borussia Munchengladbach staduim?








The bloke who goes "Give us a B!"






Thank you, I'm here all week!

That's possibly the worst joke I've heard today...

What are you on.... its a cracker

And I bet if you get drunk in the next 48 hours you will tell it to someone anyhow!

If I get drunk in the next 48 hours it'll be a miracle. I'm skinter than a West Yorkshire sporting organisation.

Hell that is what paint stripper is for !

"West Yorkshire sporting organisation"

Organisation? That is a bit ambitious surely?

I hate to live up to my name but ...

I thought it was Mönchengladbach? (Moenchengladbach if don't umlaut)

As in
'Borussia Mönchengladbach 5, Borussia Dortmund 1 : so Mönchengladbach win the Borussia derby.' - GARY NEWBON

P. S. You can have Aliadiere - if you can get him to play like he did in that Carling Cup match against Liverpool you will have a bargain, if not you will have paid over the odds whatever you pay. Most Gooners would pay you to take him away he has been that disappointing (apparently he was described as being a better player than Anelka when he left Clairefontaine but I have never seen it myself)

**Sees Ian Harte's name in the list and laughs merrily**

B

*Realises how much typing he did a few hours ago and faints*

this is indeed an impressive list. impressive for the sheer number of players, for diversity of provenance, for the multiplicity of positions. a list for which one can find neither head nor tail.

but this is just a list of "names connected", i.e. rumors.

to truly deserve the palms for dysfunctional recruiting, you have to SIGN players without rhyme or reason. and here's a list of ONE HUNDRED AND NINETEEN players to transit through marseilles in the 5 years preceding this one... without a single one sticking:

• 9 goalkeepers
Arphexad, Gavanon, Gentile, Grégorini, Köpke, Lemasson, Porato, Runje, Trévisan.

• 41 defenders
Abardonado, Berrizzo, L. Blanc, S. Blanc, Blondeau, Z. Camara, Christanval, Colleter, Coulibaly, Cyprien, Decroix, Diatta, Dimas, Domoraud, Dos Santos, Dumas, Ecker, Edson, Fernandes, Fischer, Gallas, Issa, Jambay, Jurietti, Laurenti, Leboeuf, Leo, Lizarazu, Marquet, Martin, Martini, N’Gotty, Pérez, Reina, Ribault, Rool, Skacel, Sommeil, Torrisi, Tuzzio, Van Buyten, Yobo.

• 39 midfielders
Adriano, André Luis, Ba, Battles, Belmadi, Bernardi, Brando, Brunel, Camus, Celestini, Cheyrou, Costa, S. Dalmat, W. Dalmat, De la Pena, Fiorèse, Flamini, Gourvenec, Guel, Hemdani, Ingesson, Johansen, Keita, Leroy, Luccin, Marsiglia, Marcelinho, Meriem, N’Diaye, Pedretti, Pirès, Racon, Rivera, Roy, Stankovic, Swierczewski, Teixeira, Vachousek, Yayahoui.

• 30 strikers
Alfonso, Bakayoko, Bamogo, Barry, Calandria, Titi Camara, Cavens, Chapuis, Dahou, G. Deschamps, Diawara, Dill, Drogba, Dugarry, Fernandao, Gafour, Luyindula, Marlet, Maurice, Mido, Montenegro, Moses, Mouret, Nouma, Pouget, Ravanelli, Sakho, Skoro, Sytchev, Weah.

Gareth Southgate must have read your last posting we have more or less signed Jeremie Aliadiere.I say more or less because hes on holiday and the deal cant be finalised until he gets back.

I think Marseilles win the signings game. We managed to have 20+ players make their debuts at Leeds last season, with 4 separate "Club Captains" under four managers (well, three plus the youth team manager for Southend in the League Cup).