h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/teams/england/5078366.stm

Isn't a Gary Neville injury scare an oxymoron?

Well it's a bit worrying seeing as it's either the quite useless Hargreaves or the overwhelmingly overrated Carragher standing in.

I think England would benefit from an injury to one of Beckham/Lampard/Gerrard. Then they'd *have* to play a holding player. The midfield at the mo just doesn't work, Lampard and Gerrard are just not compatible (if Beckham got injured, Gerrard could play on the right).

Watching the Paraguay game, it seemed to me that they don't have a hope in hell of winning the tournament, for the following reasons. 1) They're terribly one-paced. Just because it's a fast pace (when it's not too hot) doesn't negate that fact. 2) Keeping possession is foreign to them. Other teams can take a quick breather while in possession, and England simply can't. 3) Owen is not match-fit, never mind Roonaldo, and the forwards are getting totally isolated from the midfield. If Crouch plays up front, then Gerrard and Lampard must support him in a manner they don't seem to have the energy for.

I see we've pulled the World Cup cynicism out early this year. We've played 90 minutes in blazing heat, won without being really threatened by the opposition, and people still think we're crap.

Potentially losing Neville is a big blow, not least because of the great link-up play he's always had with Beckham. But I'm going to stick my neck out and say that, on current form, we can win if we can beat Argentina at the necessary stage.

B

How come we get a 1-0 win in which we never really threatened and could have easily conceded and it's doom and gloom, yet Brazil get a 1-0 win in which they never really threatened and could have easily conceded and it's all "they could go up an extra gear" and crap excuses like that? Just because it's Carlos pinging it over from 40 yards and not Lampard doesn't mean they're any better than us! Face it, other than the Czechs and possibly Argentina has anyone really impressed yet?

The Brazilians, Italians and Argies can all play at a slow pace, and England can't, or don't seem to be able to. Not just here, but in most games I've seen them in in the last few years. The others can, essentially, take a breather every so often when in possession. No team would have the stamina to play full pelt every game, and that seems to me the only way England can win.

As for Brazil, I think they'll come a cropper too. They play too narrow, and try and pass their way through the opposition. Although Adriano and Ronaldo must get better (if only cos they *can't* get worse), I can't see them playing through the Italians that way. Or England, if they defend properly (which they didn't really have to last week).

For me, it all comes back to England's midfield. It's far less than the sum of its parts. If that gets sorted, and IF Rooney is anything like match fit for the knockouts, they've got a chance, but I can't see them winning it.

Glad to see this was taken in the light hearted way intended

You want something lighthearted...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/5081230.stm

All the England fans are dressed as St George. Except for that topless tart of a wicket keeper. That bloke, who apparently loves himself a bit, is my uncle.

Oh the shame.

Well, it isn't really that bad. Anyone remembering the "Face of Shame" in 1988 with a pather ugly looking podgy bloke raising 2 fingers to the camera on the front page of one of the Redtops? That was my other uncle.

Oh the shame.

On my current game of Football Manager 2006, England won the world cup beating Argentina 1-0 courtesy of a Joe Cole goal.

So we must be a shoe in then !

It seems Ronaldo is getting mysterious headaches. Doesn't he usually reserve that sort of behaviour for the final?
I dunno why he doesn't just write a sicknote and then forge his Mum's signature like the rest of us.

The reason I started this by the way was that I was reminded after the last world cup, football365 did a series of How (not) to Defend cartoons as illustrated by Gary Neville (a la Alan Rough's guides to Scottish goalkeeping a few years before).
Most involved a nice tight step-up offside trap - with Mr Neville about 20 yards behind with his arm up claiming for an offside