h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Official Sheffield Wednesday Vs Preston North End match Report by Old Uncle Zarniwoop

As your jolly reporter walked through the rain to the football home of Sheffield Wednesday or the 'morsoleum' as I like to call
it I heard the jeer of a Preston North End fan shouting 'you're not very good' i thought to myself 'yeah man, at least I don't support
Preston, which was quite pathetic really.

I entered the ground and read the obvious 'Up The Owls' propoganda in the program. I had a generally good feeling about this match and was hopefull that we could build on the draw in the derby. The whistle blew for the start of the match we all stood up and clapped as Ian Hendon celebrated and clapped for the start of the match. Five minutes later, he almost got a yellow card when he lunged at Ian Anderson. The audience jeered, and old Allan Quinn drove a 25 yard shot wide. Then on 19 minutes, a certain penelty, but the referee just laughed. Cue 'you need glasses' shouts.

However on 29 minutes, out of the haze of a nil-nil draw, Gerald Sibon, all 6 foot of him jumped up from a Quinn header and put us one up. What was happening. Was this the start of a turnabout in Wednesdays fortunes. Yea no, it twas not to be.

David Healy, northern Ireland player, and ex Man Utd youngster narrowly missed a free kick from 20 yards. And then the half time whistle went. I went and got a pie from the vendor, and rushed over the road to a friends house to post on the web that Wednesday were one nill up. I could almost have drunk a pint right there and then, and I did.

I could have done with another one, as a minute into the second half, Mark Rankine 'taps home' from a 'disputed corner' to level it up at 1-1. We could have done with old Des Walker back, as Danny Maddix fell over and Kevin Pressman had to come 25 yards out of his net to clear from the onrushing Healy. What a sight I said to myself. So was Di Piedi when he scuffed his shot against Tepi Moilenen.

And, almost inevitably on 79 minutes, Pressman was lobed by Jonothan Macken from six yards, as all 15 stone Pressman gracefully missed the ball completly. And finally on 89 minutes, Hendon rounded off a cracking preformance by getting booked for another lunge at Ian Anderson. Was he like a rabid dog ?

As the full time whistle blew, there were jeers from the Wednesday section of the ground. And even more sick was the appearance of Ozzie The Owl, the mascot, trying to cheer us up after the match. I ate another pie, and left the ground in a huff.

Yes, I must agree 'We're not very good'

Final Score 1-2 to Preston - This is Uncle Zarniwoop, Signing Out