The h2g2 Poem
Created | Updated Mar 17, 2004
Gordon Brown -Reviewing the Situation
(With apologies to Lionel Bart and Oliver!)
A man's got to tax, hasn't he?
Joking apart -- hasn't he?
And tho' I'd be the first one to say that I'm not yet P.M...
I'm finding it hard to be as glum as Tony Benn...
I'm reviewing the situation
Should a chanc'lor be a chanc'lor all his life?
All the elections and ballot boxes!
Better settle down and spend time with my wife.
For there'd be no Robin Cook for me,
No Claire Short having goes for me,
No order paper waved at me.
More income tax they'd take from me.
A misery, they'd make of me...
...I think I'd better think it out again!
The wife she can wait, anyway
I'd rather tax, anyway.
Spreading wealth to the world,
And I'll just continue right now
So 'how to win votes and influence policy'
- So how?
I'm reviewing the situation,
I must quickly look up ev'ryone of note.
Titled people - with a station -
Who can help me make a real impressive vote!
I will own the keys to Number 10,
Granita will be hist'ry then.
Tony can be a working peer
My cabinet can at him sneer
The press will mock my policies
'My resignation, majesty?' Oh gawd!
... I think I'd better think it out again.
How high can I go - somebody?
How do I know? Please Tony!
All my dearest companions
Are behind my back sharpening knives
But at their time of life
Some will want to spend time with their wives.
I'm reviewing the situation.
If you want to rule - you must have the top job.
It can be a humiliation
If Paxman asks a question you can't fob!
So the job I'll get eventually,
Once Tony moves aside for me.
He says he's going on and on
Will I be dead before he's gone?
Thatcher to beat. He will compete.
He wants that feat. I can but bleat!
... I think I'd better think it out again.
What happens when I'm seventy?
Still budgeting at... seventy.
Still prudent or feet up
Not caring if they live or you die,
The one consolation is Tony
If he says bye bye...
I'm reviewing the situation.
I've been a chanc'lor but chanc'lor I can't stay!
The IMF offers promotion
But I cannot rule when Tony slips away.
The economy must be strong to stay.
But development might have its day.
A rotten choice what can I say.
Will Tony step aside some day.
Even if he does will they chose me
The Party's lost consistency
They may well want to challenge me!
But then where is that leaving me?
... I think I'd better think it out again!
Hey!
