h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

They are a very special breed. I conclude therefore that they only breed with each other, thereby producing offspring with all the traits of traffic wardens: vindictiveness, utterly repulsive looks and smells(except for lovely Rita, meter-maid. Quick Beetles ref. there), and sheer devotion to duty. Which brings me to another unique breed: referees. Black-clad, whistle toting twAts. Unless they're female, in which case I would have *shag* with them, and the lineswomen, before the match to ensure that they looked the other way when I played foul. Because, unlike the men, they are actually quite attractive.

But, as kids, these traffic warden pupae probably stood around directing bicycles and givving people tickets for chaining your bike to the drainpipe instead of the bike shed, and not accepting bribes of Traffic bars(pretty good choice, I always thought) or half your dinner money for the day. The trials and tribulations of life begin at a very early age, these days. At least when most of you guys were kids, free love and that sort of stuff ruled. You know, those *shagging* sessions during PE in Reception class, that sort of thing...

If this appeals to your sense of humour and fits in with your article mate, feel free to tag it in.