h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mulder's dad in the X Files. Here's the quote I was thinking of:

'Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this indefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a Peanut Butter Cup or an English Toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got've left is an empty box... filled with useless brown paper wrappers.'

Fox Mulder and Cancer man Mulder???

nononono - Cancer Man wasn't Mulder's dad (unless something happened in the last four series that I was TOTALLY unaware of), but he was Mulder's dad's old buddy

Yeah, hate to break it to you this way, Swiv, but at the end of the series they pretty much confirmed it: Mulder's mum had a fling with Cancer Man. Which is partly why Mulder's sister was abducted and not him - Cancer Man wasn't going to let that happen to his own son.

There was a DNA test and everything...

oh well, never mind. knew there was a reason I gave up watching the X-files, it just got ridiculous.