h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Daniel O'Connell - A23648385
Author: Kyra - Get this lobster off my head! - U1572880

Hi

Hi Kyra, sorry it's taken me so long to get round to this entry, but here goes.

Having read your entry on Disraeli as well recently I would to say that in terms of what you need to do to imrpove the Disraeli entry- aim for this. It is excellent in terms of explaining potentially unfamilliar detail and O'Connel's background. Initially, I would make two suggestions:

1) Break it up with headers. This always makes it look smarter and also breaking it up usually makes for easier reading

2) Try putting in a paragraph on the political / historical context at the time. There are one or two details that could be clearer and I think an explanation of what is going on generally in this period could clear all that up- who the whigs are (you might mention the tories as well?) the situation with the irish and with catholics- stuff like that, although you've made a lot of stuff very clear already.

Great entry.

Thanks. This, Disraeli and Bentinck were originally all part of the same uni assignment, I just roughly chopped it and made it into three entries. I maybe should have waited before entering them into PR, as I've got an exam in a few days, but I'll fix up what needs fixing on all three soon.

Fair enough. If you're not going to touch this thread for a bit, post a message when you get back to it, otherwise it'll languish at the bottom of pr.

This has an academic feel to it. You could liven it up with material about the Monster Meetings -- apparently they were quite an achievement, to assemble a mob and yet prevent them from going on a rampage. I gather that they were seminal in political movements.

One correction:

>O'Connell's averseness to violent reform was motivated both by his personal experience of the French Revolution

should read

O'Connell's aversion to violent reform etc.

--no such word as 'averseness'.

Sorry, there is such a word in the dictionary, but aversion is preferable.

Ah ok....NOW i find it

Wellcome to the gang darklighter!

Glad to be Welcomed

Hello Kyra. There's a lot of good stuff in this, but I feel it is pitched at too high a level. It uses a lot of terms and concepts which will not be familiar to the average reader and will put them off. I predict the average reader will stop reading this before the end of the first paragraph.

It needs an introductory paragraph which explains exactly who O'Connell was in simple terms - he was Irish, he was a Catholic, he lived in the 19th Century and so on. When you introduce new concepts such as Catholic Emancipation, you'll have to point out that Catholics were not allowed to vote in the United Kingdom at the time. The oath of allegiance needs more than just a footnote to explain why O'Connell wouldn't take it.

My pleasure. We're closing in five minutes.

Thanks Gnomon, I'll do that for all three, and maybe write an entry on CE

Who's Closing in 5 minutes?

Nobody, don't worry, I was just joking.

*Jumps With Glee*
WOOHOO!

Better?

Depends if i can Jump again :P

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