h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well that will stop once you're in the fire.

I don't see how that follows. It seems to me that being set on fire is just another form of repressment.

Quite, I'll not be drawn into an argument with a talking cat statue.

*Throws the statue into the fire.*

Wait! That statue looked strangely familiar!

Yes, so we have to burn it!

I'm being burninated!

OK.

What kind of cruel and merciless godben would allow his ex-head priest to meet such a death!

Quite statue, I'm trying to set the time on my watch!

I'm melting.... MELTing... What a world what a world!

*Looks at the sun to try and figure out the time.*

*goes into a long death soliliquey which lasts about ten minutes longer than it should considering the amount of pain being melted should put me in*

*feels slight twinge of guilt for not saving strangely familiar cat statue*

j, which way is east?

*points away from burning statue* That way.

Right, so that would make it . . . *does quick calculation with a sundial and calculator* 56:83

What planet are we on?

*starts monolouging VERY loudly* PAY BLOODY ATTENTION TO ME! I'M EVILCLAW! IN A STATUE!

*shrug* No idea.

*still feels guilty about flaming cat statue*

*slips GB's fire-proof bra on statue*

GRAH! NOW I'M DYING AND I'M WEARING WOMEN'S LINGERIE?! CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?

How adorable!