h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*NC whirls around with fire extinguisher and hits china cabinet, shattering GodBens anniversary edition A-Team mugs*

Oh no!

Rolls around in hot tea.

"YEahhowww!"
Dazed, confused, and burned, begins spraying every surface with fire retardant foam.

Oh no, you'll ruin Rob the carpet!

*heroically throws Rob the Carpet out the window to save it from being victim to fire retardant foam*

You threw Rob the carpet out the window?!

I'm out of here before lil returns.

(Obviously in full post-traumatic stress flashback mode, now)

"INCOMING!!"
"Get down!"
*Tackles a barstool*
"Fire mission Bravo Niner! Gridcor 4310, hill 213!"
*Douses jukebox with foam*

"Where's the sarge?!"

*Rob the carpet lands pristinely on a bed of poppies conveniently growing right outside of window*

*Still humming A-Team theme song, commando rolls behind bar and begins constructing a bunker*

"Fall back and reload!"

*throws GB's life-size cutout of R2D2 at NC as a decoy and dives behind couch for cover*

"There you are, Sarge!"

*Grabs R2 cutout and pulls it behind bar.*

"MEDIC! THE SARGE IS HURT!"

"Grenade!"

*Throws an apple core in a high arc toward SHJ*

*apple core lands harmlessly in mound of fire retardant foam*

*Picks up a cup from the floor and shouts into it*

We've got a man down! We've got a man down!!! *Shakes cup, looking frustrated* Dammit, can you hear me?! *Hits cup against table and it breaks* DAMMIT!

Sir, we've lost contact with base!

"GET UNDER COVER, SOLDIER!! There's a fire mission on the way!"

*Hands LP a shoe"

"Hard line! Call in an Airstrike: Gridcor...WHERE ARE WE?!"

*Dives behind the sofa and shouts into the shoe*

This is company 342, we are under fire! Requesting Airstrike ASAP! I repeat, this is company 342, do you read me? *Taps shoe* The lines are all cut out sir! There's nobody there! There is NOBODY there sir!!!

*armed with a teaspoon, SHJ mounts an attack*

"AAAHHHHHAAAHHHHH"


*flies over bar, straight into enemy camp*

Hello, folks. I'm here to kill you all. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHHH!!!

*Picks up shoe again* Blue Eagle, come in Blue eagle! This is company 342, under direct enemy attack! Do you read me? DO YOU READ ME?!