h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*here meets the Brown Council the governing body of the Church of the True Brownie led by the Supreme Brownie and his chief henchmen*

*The Council Chamber is on Level IV of the Tower. A narrow staircase leads down to the Great Hall and an even narrower one leads upwards to Level V and the top tier of the Tower*

*prepares the Chamber for the Brown Council Meeting*

*thumps the council table hard with his fist and scowls at all present*


IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH DO YOU HEAR ME


We've already lost one of the Nine on top of the one that was lost on that ill-considered Wild West expedition and now the bloody Gobolds have failed us

Is it too much to ask that for once we fix a minor problem without any fuss ? Need I remind you of the consequences of failure !

The Temple forces are riven by infighting and are at the point of complete collapse ...... we are near to total victory and the purging of the Island of the last vestiges of belief in the Guide. Just one last push and all will be ours

Now where in the name of the Brown One has Brunelthazar disappeared to. Has anyone seen him of late ?

Here, Melchiabaster. My most recent tasks proved to be ludicrously more time consuming than initially imagined.

Yes, yes, we've all been rather busy of late. But now that you are here, I think we can get started with 424241st meeting of the Brown Council.

We will get to the latest incursion of strangers into our land, right after we deal with our very important first item. If you will refer to your agendas, you will see...did everyone get an agenda?

I have the agenda Goospar but I have not the little biscuits that are normally provided. Wherest art they ?

*crawls in on her hands and knees and touches her forehead to the floor*

Forgive me mighty one but we have run out of the little biscuits that you favour.

Might I humbly suggest some Cheesecake and Chocolate Milk instead .... it is so very long since I last tasted Cheesecake and Chocolate Milk ...... so very long .....

*drifts off into a day dream*

*Gives Flagon Dry a backhand slap across her exposed rump.*

I can't think of two more inappropriate things to suggest! One is forbidden and the other is revolting.

What about those little iced cakes...what are they called?...petty fores, or something?

Please Master !

Do not beat poor Flagondry ..... I will attend to your wish immediately.

*scurries off to the kitchens*

~enters and abases herself~

I beg your forgiveness great ones, but I bring glad tidings for we have discovered a supply of the little iced biscuits that thous cravest.

~genuflects and leaves~

*scowls at the departing Flagon Dry *

At least she's stopped yaying all the time.

Now to business fellow Council Members. These are dark times ... no pun intended. We appear to have lost all contact with our allies at the Mine. Has anyone heard from our erstwhile friends of late ?

Wait, wait, that's not item 1 on the agenda!

*stabs finger at sheet of paper in his hand*

Item 1 says right here that we need to discuss...

WHERE ARE YOUR AGENDAS?!? AFTER THE LAST MEETING'S AGENDA FIASCO, I MADE SURE THIS TIME THAT EACH OF YOU WAS DELIVERED AN AGENDA BY HAND! YOU WERE GIVEN AMPLE OPPORTUNITY TO ADD ITEMS TO THE AGENDA. *begins foaming at the mouth* THEY WERE DELIVERED WELL IN ADVANCE. THEY WERE EVEN TYPED IN AN EASY-TO-READ FONT IN 24 POINT! I DID EVERYTHING BUT PERSONALLY SING IT TO EACH OF YOU!

*pause*




Agenda for Brown Council meeting 42421

Item 1 Review of the minutes of Brown Council meeting 42420

Thank you Goospar but I believe you are giving us a rendition in an upper C when I believe standing orders specify a lower key.

Let us get onto matters arising without any more of this nonsense.

So ...... where are the little biscuits.