Running With Scissors
Created | Updated Feb 12, 2004
Sweets For Your Sweet
Heigh-ho, HooToo-ers! The 
Fashion Geek is back to take a look at last-minute Valentine's Day gifts for your sweetie. What, you forgot about Valentine's Day? You romantic rascal, you! 
Because time is in short supply, you'll need to get creative. Fortunately you don't have to put a whole lot of money into your efforts. If you and your sweetie have Internet access, you have it made. The person without computer access may have to screw his courage to the sticking-place1 and tackle the shops. But all is not lost; check out the following suggestions for something besides the usual flowers-and-candy.
The Fine Print
The links below are for information purposes only and
do not constitute an endorsement of the products listed.
Stars in Your Eyes
Is your sweetheart a real star? Tell the world by naming a star in his or her honour. There are a number of Web sites where you can do this. One of the most well-known is the International Star Registry, which has offices in several countries. Another site is Wish Upon a Star in the UK, which contributes a portion of the fee to charity. You won't receive the certificate, star chart and whatnot from the company by the 14th, so you'll have to tell your Valentine that the gift is 'in the mail'. But this idea is romantic as all get-out; with luck, the recipient won't be too unhappy with you.
So what exactly are you getting for your money? Aside from some pieces of paper, not much. The stars' names are neither sanctioned by the International Astronomical Union (IAU) nor used by professional astronomers. But if you don't mind throwing your money down a black hole, you'll get a lot of romantic 'mileage' out of this gift2.
Fashion Geek Rating: 
Say It With... um... Words
Does your loved one make you wax poetical? If you're the tongue-tied sort, help is on the way with this do-it-yourself Poetry Generator from our friends at the BBC. The generator allows you to select a number of words, assemble them into a poem, and create an e-mail postcard to send to your sweet patootie. Word categories include Gothic, Nature, Sci Fi and Romance, so you can write an ode to an android if you so desire.
If you see yourself as the heir to Johnny Cash, why not try this Do-It-Yourself Country & Western Song generator? Put your song together, have a beer or ten, and sing your song to anyone who will listen.
Fashion Geek Rating:
For the Lovelorn
Sick of the whole idea of Valentine's Day? Then these BitterSweetstm from Despair Inc. are just for you. A takeoff on the pastel 'conversation hearts' that we used to eat as kids, these candies come in a variety of toxic colours such as 'Pink Sand and Fossilized Antacid' and bear such downbeat messages as 'SETTLE 4LESS' and 'NOT AGAIN'. They're just the thing for sitting home alone - Lord, even the cat abandoned you an hour ago - and surfing through the hundreds of channels of nothing on the tele. Wash 'em down with bottle of Maalox.
Fashion Geek Rating: 
Honks and Giggles
Does your love have a sense of humour? From HolidayOrganizer.com and a host of other Web sites comes this suggestion for Cupid Poop: Put cinnamon red-hot candies or red jelly beans into a clear plastic bag and attach a suitably-obnoxious poem. HolidayOrganizer.com suggests this text - and they have a free printable gift tag - but feel free to improvise (there's nothing more romantic than original poetry):
I couldn't send you flowers
And candy wouldn't do.
Romantic cards just didn't say
The things I wanted to.
I got you something special
And here's the inside scoop.
It's very rare and magical:
A bag of Cupid Poop!
Fashion Geek Rating: 
Remember all the strange boxer shorts you see around the holidays? Make your own! All you need is a pair of clean shorts, fabric markers in various colours (red is a must, however), and inspiration. Good taste is optional. For ideas, check out the following:
- Valentine Boxer Shorts
- Romantic and Sexy Boxers
- Assorted Novelty Boxer Shorts (This page loads slowly because there are about a zillion pairs of shorts on it.)
Fashion Geek Rating: Bonus points for thrift, and kudos to anyone who wears these things; you're a good sport.
Cold nose, warm heart? Try sending your love a dozen Long-Stemmed Red Noses. Yes, that's noses, as in clowns' noses. The gift shop at the Circus World Museum in Baraboo, Wisconsin, USA sells these things. If you can find clown noses at your local gag gift shop, you could easily make some of them yourself. Just imagine the look on your love's face when she sees them! Honk.
Fashion Geek Rating:
The Gift of Time
Ladies, think practical. Many guys I know would be absolutely ecstatic if their girlfriends washed and detailed their cars for them.3 It's cold right now above the equator, so give him a coupon to redeem when the weather improves, or take the car to the car wash. Men: your sweetheart will melt if you cook for her, provided you don't set the kitchen on fire or give her food poisoning. This need not be complicated. Cook a box of spaghetti, and dress up a jar of marinara sauce with browned Italian sausage, a splash of red wine, and some extra spices (basil and red pepper flakes are good). Toss assorted salad greens ('rabbit food' to you fellows) with your favourite dressing, and finish off the meal with some perfect pieces of fruit and cappuccino. Eat with panache (think Tom Jones4).
Fashion Geek Rating:
On the Wild Side
Nothing says love like a hissing cockroach, at least according to the folks at Ross Park Zoo in Binghamton, NY, USA. The zoo is running a Valentine's Day adoption program where, for 10 bucks, you can 'adopt' the wee hisser for your sweetie. Your loved one will receive a photo of the critter, a fact sheet, and a free pass to visit it. If a cockroach won't do, there are more decorative animals available for adoption. A number of zoos offer such programmes as fund raisers or hold other special events for Valentine's Day, so check around.
If your significant other replaces the photo of you that's sitting on her night table with the photo of the cockroach, you may want to rethink the relationship.
Fashion Geek Rating: More bonus points for supporting a worthy cause.
And By The Way...
- Feeling lonely? See what the Edited Guide has to say about Surviving Valentine's Day if You're Single.
- What is the best Valentine's Day present you've ever received? Here's your chance to show off.
- What is the worst Valentine's Day present you've ever received? Share your horror stories!
