You're playing The Game. You might not have known it a second ago, and in fact up until then you were probably doing quite well. Now you're losing.

The Rules

Basically, there are three rules to The Game:

1. You are playing The Game.
2. If you think about The Game you are losing the game.
3. If you're losing The Game you have to tell someone.

Essentially, The Game is an abstract mental challenge. It requires the player to either remain oblivious or to forget its existence to be successful. The challenge for those of us who are aware is to actively forget The Game's existence.

Origins

The exact origins of The Game are unknown. There are several losers who have attempted to lay claim on the title of longest-losing player, but none can totally verify this position.

The Game was known of in Australia in 1996, and Canada in 1998. It is claimed by some that two sound engineers from the West Country were playing it in 1994, known then as the 'East Finchley Game'.

The Game has been boosted massively by its introduction to The Internet, as it gives anyone in the world a chance to relay messages to people all over the world. The first known mention of The Game on The Internet came in 2002 on a blog by aardvark.dj on www.arseburgers.co.uk, and since then many an Internet forum or message board will have seen some discussion of The Game.

Another typical hotspot for The Game is around university and college campuses. As it is an intellectual game which encourages philosophical and psychological theorising, it inevitably interests students the world over.

Strategies

Some competitive losers will endeavour to ensure they make as many other losers as possible. This is often done by telling friends, colleagues and family, but can also be done by writing articles on websites about it. Others who are significantly more competitive and malicious leave notes around for other players to find, reminding them of The Game and causing them to lose.

Some play competitively within a group, keeping score of how often they lose within a given period.

Possibly the most irritating form of The Game is through association. If something reminds you of The Game that thing may continue to remind you of The Game. It could be the location you first heard of The Game, the first person who told you about The Game, a sports match, a board game, a colour, a song. Once you make an association with The Game it can be very hard to stop that association taking place. This requires the player to forget about the association, and in turn forget The Game.

Players

According to rule one everybody is playing the game. You are pitted against the entire population of The Earth. It's a big task! To be playing The Game you need neither to be aware of its existence or consent to participate.

Some people mistakenly believe they can opt out. These people are therefore playing the game, but breaking rule three. This is effectively cheating, and no-one likes a cheat.

Losers

You are now amongst hundreds of thousands of losers. These losers include the creators of The Game, The Game's greatest experts and philosophers, and anyone unfortunate enough to be around another loser when they are losing.

Over 170,000 people have visited The Game's webpage www.losethegame.com. Belgian newspaper De Morgan printed an article about it, and its circulation is over 50,000 copies. There are over 100,000 members of various Game groups on social networking website www.facebook.com. However the true number of losers can never be known as most losers are only, or were initially, aware of The Game by word of mouth. They either had the misfortune of knowing another loser, or being around another loser when they lost.

Winners

There are literally millions of people who are winning The Game. These people are blessed with ignorance and are all still in with a chance of being World Champion. Of course they will never be able to enjoy the glory of being a winner because as soon as they know they are winning they are losing.

World Championship

The Game World Championship is an ongoing contest that includes every single player of the game. Once you have lost the game you cannot be successful in your quest to be World Champion. In fact if you ever had a quest to become World Champion you were immediately ineligible to be World Champion.

The World Champion is the person who has been winning the longest without ever losing. At the time of writing, the unofficial World Champion is Yone Minagawa, who has been winning since 4th January 1893. A group of fans have put together a letter to congratulate Mrs Minagawa; however they are waiting for the letter to be translated into Japanese.

Failure

While it is always hard to face failure is especially difficult to cope with when it is the fault of someone else. Some people react violently to The Game. Others simply dismiss it and refuse to partake. Some embrace it and enjoy others falling. From here on you will have to face your failure to win The Game.

You have just lost The Game.