h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Claudian Invasion; The Legions And The British Tribes And Their Conquest - A22747935
Author: Bob Stafford (Keeper of The Treacle Shadow) - U3151547

Please comment

For a start, the title needs changing. YOu should say where they were invading. Also, Claudian isn't very understandable. How about "The 2nd Roman Invasion of Britain"?

Hi Gnomon

Thanks for that is that better.

Ps like the new name tag why did you decide to change

I change my name tag fairly regularly. The present one is the literal translation of "gnomon".

Wierd take a peek..

The Groma: The Tool That Built An Empire A23968740 Created: 19th June 2007

Simple to make and easy to carry, the groma(1) or the surveyor's cross as it is sometimes known, was the most widely used Roman surveying tool.

Footnote
1 Possibly from gnomon, meaning indicator in Greek, which was originally a tool used to locate North without the aid of a compass.

How strange is that....

Yep

It looks like you've put a lot of effort into this, Bob, but the lists kind of kill it once you get to the second half. Is there some way you could tidy them up and make them a little more readable at least?

Hi Alex I need inspiration here any ideas

How about having the sections of the Tribes bit something like this:

AD 43 - The landing and initial conquest.


Active Legions involved: IX, XX, XIV and II.
Governor appointed: Aulus Plautius (AD 43 - 47).
Territories conquered or annexed:

Cantium - Kent and parts of Sussex, no king recorded.
Atrebates - Hampshire, Surrey and Sussex, previously ruled over by King Verica.
Trinovantes - Essex and parts of Suffolk, previously ruled over by King Cunobelinus.




I know it still looks like a dry list, but it might make it slightly more readable.

Alex

Hi Alex Thanks for that I have done a couple of sections what do you think mate. By the way do you want a job... http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F48888?thread=4275973 As you see Psycorp603 has problems... Posted 5 Hours Ago by Psycorp603 (Sub Editor, looking for his Inquisitor hat) I hate to flake out after committing, but as of tomorrow I'll be without stable net access apparently. I'm really sorry, but this might just be beyond me at the moment! Very sorry! The Job So Far Finished A22550753 Anglo Saxon Kingdoms: The Saxon Heptarchy 1957 A23671172 The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of Kent 983 A23671127 The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of Sussex 602 A23671091 The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of Northumbria (Nord Angelnen) 447 A23671055 The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of East Anglia (Ost Angelnen) 500 A23671019 The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of Wessex 774 A23671217 The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of Essex (East Seaxe) 1021 To Do A23670948The Saxon Heptarchy; The Kingdom Of Mercia (Mittlere Angelnen)701 PS; the numbers are the size of the entry in words (so far). If you want the job let me know. Yours hopefuly Bob...

Better, I'd say

Sorry Bob, but I'll be going off on holiday soon and won't have the time, though let me know if this still hasn't been taken three weeks from now. Good luck with it

Thats Ok have a good holiday, where are you off to.

This is a PR thread, Bob - Skankyrich will have my head if he catches me chatting...

Just the Lake District

Wew will continue the edit upon your return

Any more comments

Hey Bob, here's a few:

'When the Romans arrived in Britain in AD 431.'

Fragmented sentence, perhaps you meant that full stop to be a comma?

and from the footnote:

'The Romans first arrived in Britain in 55 BC, commanded [by] Julius Caesar. The invasion or military expedition had to be abandoned due to T[t]rouble in Gaul. A second attempt [was made] in 54 BC and this also was abandoned for the same reasons, trouble in Gaul'

Hope these corrections were clear. Onwards:

'Led by Julius Caesar with ten legions [they] had killed a million, enslaved'

'The task [of the] pacification of Britain'

' of the Gallic wars.
The Legions
The initial British'

For consistency, you need spaces either side of your header, as you have done later on in the entry.

'"And can you who have got such possessions and so many of them, covet our poor tents.'

Needs to be italicised and in single quotes rather than double.

'Awarded after action in Pannonian revolt of AD 6-9 Valerius Messallinus commanding in AD 43.'

This footnote is unclear to me Bob- what was awarded?

'rebellion of AD 60-61 The Roman Governor'

I think you need a full stop after 61.

'unds of the 80,000 Iceni who were killed, could still be seen by the traveller'

No need for a comma after 'killed'.

'Watling Street between High Cross'

I belive there is an entry on wattling street you could link to, but it's very poor.

There's a line gap in your 5th footnote for some reason.

'both legion[s] were able to bring to'

'who were posted [to] Dacia'

'recruited in Legion XIV 57 BC'

Not sure what you meant here, but I don't think it's this.

'In the Civil War between Caesar [and] Pompey the'

'Roman Governor, Gaius Suetonius Paulinus and a force'

Comma after Paulinus.

'Germanicus10the command also'

Space after the footnote.

' 3 the Legion IX The Hispania'

I would suggest a hyphen after 3, for emphansis, so:

'force included one legion that had not campaigned with the other 3- the Legion IX The Hispania'

'the Governor, Gaius Suetonius Paulinus sent to'

Comma after Paulinus again.

'Paulinus sent [a request] to the Legion II The'

I know technically your grammar is correct there, but it may confuse some people.

'Awarded after action in the Boudican rebellion in 60 BC. Martia Victrix - blessed by Mars and victorious.'

Still confused about this 'awarded' business.

'and routed by Boudicca And her army'

Lower case a in 'and'.

'were made good by reserves from Gremainia.'

Again, I know your language is correct here, but I wonder if 'made up by' would be easier to understand.

'Somerset were taken leaving the tribe'

Comma after 'taken'.

'taken leaving the tribe holding'

Ditto.

'transfers to a base at Kingsholm'

This is a change in tense. It should be 'was transfered'.

'Devon., no King is recorded.'

Stray comma there.

King Caractacus Conquered or annexed.


Full stop after Caractacus.

'Brigantes Queen Cartimandua; of Lancashire and part of Yorkshire. Conquered or annexed.
Votadini No King recorded; of Northumberland and Firth of Forth area. Conquered or annexed.
Selgovae No King recorded; '

Three times in a row you put 'no king recorded' in bold, which is a small issue but is inconsistent.

'Wales [and] founded the new base and town at Caerleon'

'The Un Conquered tribes'

unconquered

Think that's all. Good work Bob, nice entry.

Hi benjaminpmoore.
Thanks for that I think I have one as suggested

Please review and comfirmm, thanks again.


Bob...

Hi Bob. A good entry, but it needs a lot of work. Please think about these comments as you do the changes. Hopefully you might learn something.
------------------------------------------------
Content:

Rich borough -- should that be Richborough?

You mention legions almost at the start, but I've no idea how many soldiers were in a legion. Was it 1,000? 10,000?

"The stage was set for the invasion" -- at this stage in your story, the invasion has already happened since the Roman legions are already in Britain

"The task of the pacification of Britain was given to four legions" -- you've already said that there were four legions.

You should explain about the name of the Valeria Victrix in the section about the Valeria Victrix, not in a footnote in the header. Remember that people have to stop and interrupt their reading to read a footnote, so you shouldn't use them unless the footnote is really just additional information for the interested. Similarly, "formed in 31 BC" should not be in the header but should be in the section.

------------------------------------------------
House Style:

AD 43 --> 43 AD (that's House Style whether you like it or not)
The same applies to any other AD dates, so please the Find function in Internet Explorer (Control-F) to find all the AD in your document and fix them.
Since Watling Street has now been accepted, you should link to the Recommended version of it, which a Search in the Search box will find for you.

------------------------------------------------
Writing Style:

When the Romans arrived in Britain in AD 431, they arrived led by emperor Claudius -- it looks bad to have "arrived" twice in the one sentence like that, so change the second one to "were"

Move the sentence "The palace at ..." to after the next one.

The legion originally stationed at the fortress. -- you're using the verb "to station". It should be "to be stationed". So it is "The legion originally was stationed..."

"This was one the best remembered as one of the Legions that saw service in Britain and a vexilatio (company) of XX Valeria, Legion XIV, with Auxiliary forces that ended the Boudican rebellion of AD 60-61." -- read this out at least three times and see if it makes sense. It doesn't.

In AD 88, and the legion withdrew to Deva -- there's no reason for "and" in this.

I don't like the way you refer to the legions. It is clumsy. You should say "The twentieth legion, the Valeria Victrix, were ..." or "Legion XX, the Valeria Victrix, were ...". Note the capitals and commas in those and stick to them every time you refer to a legion by name.

------------------------------------------------
Punctuation:

The initial British resistance to the landing was led by Togodumnus and Caractacus of the Catuvellauni tribe, they fought well but were out classed and stood little chance -- this is two sentences stuck together with a comma. Read each of them on its own and see that it is a full sentence. Now break it into two.

Caractacus was captured and sent to Rome as a prisoner, he was treated well and eventually freed. -- same here

Put a question mark at the end of Caractacus's question, and remove the quote signs around it.

formed the invasion force were; -- Introducing a list is done by a colon, not a semicolon.

The legion originally stationed ... again two sentences joined by a comma.

The Roman Governor, Gaius Suetonius Paulinus and a force of 10,000 men -- here the sentence is "The Roman Governor and a force of 10,000...". You've added an explanation, giving the governor's name, so there should be commas before and after the name.

was commanded to take the legion, along the western coast -- I can see no reason why you put a comma here.
------------------------------------------------
That's enough for the moment.