'What's the matter? Why did I have to come here now, instantly, this minute? Why haven't you finished the Valentines' window? Why is everybody whispering? Oh my God you look awful! Did you go out again last night? You really have to spend at least one night in a week you know;you've got at least three new wrinkles.'

Perhaps asking Patrick to come in wasn't such a good idea. Gossip is more his forte than genuine drama and I have a sneaky suspicion that crisis may be a role too far.

'She's been dumped!'

Oh subtle Baleesha, nice choice of words.

'Don't be stupid! She can't have been dumped she's not going out with anyone. No one would have her, evil old witch.'

'She's not talking about me you idiot and will you two keep your voices down, she'll hear you, she's only in the office for god's sake!

'Our new boss, Miss Corporate Inc. She's been dumped.'

'She hasn't? What really really dumped? Not just a little tiff?'

'No, Patrick. Not just a little tiff. She's all over the place, crying her eyes out. I've been with her since four o'clock this morning. She sent me a text message and I drove over.'

'What do you mean you drove over at four o'clock? You could have been done for drunk driving. I bet you were still over the limit. Oh my god! You've only got three weeks to go till Valentine's day!'

He does have the knack of stating the obvious.

'I know we only have three weeks to go until Valentine's day, I have done twelve Valentine's days remember? And I was not over the limit but you are rapidly pushing me there. When have you ever known me to drive after I've been drinking?'

'True - you just have to be poured out of Taxis. It's Dimitri who does the drunk-driving bit. Oh hello Dimitri I didn't see you in the window. I can't believe you knocked a poor tree down in my most favourite car, I hope you get six months. Oh I say! I like the statues! Greek Gods and Goddesses, is that the Valentine's theme?'

'Olympian Valentine's day. It's the Olympics this year in case you've forgotten and they're being held in Athens.'

Why am I talking about the Valentine's theme? There is a poor heartbroken woman in the office who is in charge of a rapidly sinking floral ship. If we don't throw her a life raft we're all going down with her. Well possibly not Patrick... what is it they say about rats?

'Oh I loike that theme. Where's the menu? Have you named the bouquets after the Gods? Oh yes! I want a Bacchus, the God of wine that's me Haaaaa!'

'There isn't a Bacchus! He was Roman you idiot! Dionysus was Greek.'

'Well I know that stupid, I just think Bacchus sounds better.'

'Will you stop wittering on about the Valentine's theme! What are we going to do about Geraldine?'

'Who's Geraldine?'

'Oh for goodness sake! Miss Corporate Inc as you all insist on calling her. She needs our help.'

I wish someone would grasp the magnitude of this crisis. Three weeks to go, half a window in, not one flower ordered a skeleton crew, a skipper in about as much control as was Captain Blyth and an ageing cabin boy with his head stuck up the arse of a Greek god; nothing new there then.

'Dimitri How long is that bl***y window going to take? Just cover his genitals with the ivy for God's sake! You may like the look of them but trust me the church ladies will write to the papers. The last thing Geraldine needs now is bad publicity!'

Oh joy! Now Baleesha is cross with me. I didn't shout at him for heaven's sake - well only a little. I didn't want him in here in the first place. He's hardly my first choice of window dresser material. If Miss Corporate Inc - I don't believe it even I'm calling her that now - if Geraldine had got her act together and advertised for a florist we might possibly be fully staffed. I would be doing the window and Dimitri would be doing what he does best, opening the wine. Oh no he can't do that any more can he? When is the court case? I suppose I'll have to be a little gentle with him.

'Don't glower at me like that Baleesha! Someone has to sort out this mess. I didn't choose to play the anchor. I'm disembarking in three weeks remember? This is supposed to be my fun time. Fat lot of help you turned out to be, you were supposed to be my replacement but, oh no, the grass is still greener in the land of the leprechauns. What is the poor woman going to do? No partner, no senior florist, a junior florist who spends more time reading magazines than a beauty parlour devotee, a Saturday child that can barely manage speech let alone organisational skills and a support group in need of serious therapy.'

'Just ignore her she's in panic mode. She'll think of something soon.'

That's right, Baleesha, pass the buck back again why don't you?

'Oh my God! You really are in trouble! Haaaaa! Haaaa! What are you going to do?'

Well done Patrick! The penny has finally dropped.

'You, into the office. Now! Look after her. Say something nice even if you have to lie. Tell her how wonderful the paintwork is again, sign her up to a dating agency, Sh*g her if necessary; she can't fall apart now!'

Oh no there's a customer in the shop. We haven't got time for customers.

'Can I help you?'

'I've come for an interview for the florist's job.'

Did I hear what I think I heard? Baleesha seems to think so. Patrick approves, she's young but not too young, pretty and she can speak... anything above that has got to be a plus.

'You're hired. On the bench now!'

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