h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Traveller in Time on a stone (seems to be appropriate)
"This does not have much to do with this entry, yet one does not read often twice a day a story about Solomon.
< <./>F79186?thread=373799&skip=35&show=2</.> >
"

Well, what are you doing here, reading people's drafts? tsk tsk tsk...

Anyway, I looked at the Solomon thing but didn't really bother to read it all. Doesn't really have anything to do with this entry, does it? This is just... well, some sort of a very summarized summary. I thought I'd give it a try, but I still don't know where it's going.

Traveller in Time walking on sand
"It was the coincidence triggering me. By the way I try to read all entries and this one popped up as a fresh, even from a friend.

I think it to be a good idea having at least someone pre reading an entry before peering it."

Yeah, it's just that I was a bit surprised. It's a very early draft... I wasn't expecting anybody to read it at that point.

It still needs work, of course, but at this point I would definitely appreciate any feedback you can give.

Traveller in Time on his head
"At first glance: wow, gown big.
After reading: could there be some more details?

There is a story about Jerusalem under siege. Where they use underground water canals?
I have researched this myself once pre- H2G2 that is. I should have a look at my archives if I can come up with some more details.

Do not judge people who can be your ancesters<?>
You called the fanatic groups defending Jerusalem against Romans 'insane fanatics'. Perhaps they were, never mind they are all long gone.

More or less the same: keep flat in your opinion 'pagan temples' => 'roman temples' or even more common 'ruined temples'.

Perhaps you could use sub headers for each paragraph using the city/ land/ province/ kingdom -name for the respective period.


Jerusalem, city of two tribes<?>


And I must say special the last paragraphs are GOOD. I even feel a bit touched. You are brave indeed!"




SnackSeller walking by
"Fresh barbequed s s! Blessed by the King Salomon in his new temple.
"Fresh barbequed s s for sale!"

Yeah, subheaders are one of the things I need to work on. And I can add some details about the siege (the water canal would be the Assyrian siege, I believe, but I have to check this). I left out many things, because I mean it to be a very brief history, as the title states. Maybe I should add some more, it's just that I got a bit tired of re-reading this over and over again so I'll give it a rest for a while.
The insane fanatics were insane. Jewish history agrees on that. Those inside Jerusalem assasinated everybody that didn't agree with them, and set the city's stock on fire, and I think it was people from the same group that were finally sieged in Masada. What would you call them, if not insane?
I'll change the 'pagan' bit - didn't think it was a negative name, simply meant they were politheistic.

I think that's all, I'll get to work on that soon.

Traveller in Time on his head
"I heard about these water canals long time ago. There was a documentary in spanish once. I found them fascinating as example of early hydrological works.

Like I wrote in the first lines, it seems big, but after reading you end up with curiosity about some details.

How about the barbeque, should that not be roasting?"

Changed 'pagan temples' to 'Roman temples', can't bother to do other things now but I'll get to them later. I really need to think up some subheaders, this turned out to be a pretty big chunk of text!

Alright, second post in half an hour, seems I can't let go of this after all... (plus I haven't got internet at home right now so I'm doing all I can when I'm online)

I got some headers and subheaders, definitely not perfect but looks much better now. I'm thinking of some sort of an intro to explain that this is a very summarised summary.

The barbeque... I might cut that out. It's probably right, what with all the sacrifices they had there, but maybe it doesn't fit in. I'll think about it.

Traveller in Time on top
"You can leave it in, jet to barbeque would be ananachronism."

I'm afraid I didn't get that last comment.

Anyway, I checked some facts, the water canal was during the Assyrian siege, I'll check in Wikipedia to get the English names correct and then add it.
Anything else you think I should elaborate on (while still kepping this as "very brief" as possible)?

I added it, but I have to leave shortly so other changes would have to wait.
I think I'll add a reference to Wikipedia, they're really pretty good.

Traveller in Time on his head
"I think it is good, to gain edit speed you could try finding yourself some related entries and BBCi pages.

And perhaps the image of playing children, The dome on the background reminds me of Jerusalem. Though this would get you commented while the subeditor has to remove it (and put it in back later again?).

I do have a hint on the subheaders, the whole is less massive.

In my previous post I tried to suggest the word barbeque is not from that time period. I have no idea how these offerings took place, I always imagined something like a stack of wood with a lamb on top of it. (No grid as in barbeque) But you can leave it in, just one 'joke' will not do harm to the story. Though you could emphasise it is from the offering fires."

Traveller in Time singing on his head
"Though it may not look like a bedtime story, I told it my little girl tonight, more or less.
She reacted in singing about Abraham leaving his _tribe_ and land. And later on she knew a song about another city under siege: Jericho.

Ok perhaps not the best bedtime story but some of the idea came through. As if 'The class to be split in half and no matter what the teacher says the opposing sides keep teasing each other. They will not do much work that way!'

Not bad for a Wibble. (evil wednesday?)"

That is pretty cool, I have to say... I guess everything can become a bedtime story when it's told right!

I just put this entry in peer review
Thanks for all your help with it!