h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Orange Juice Guy.

One day, in a random bar, there was a man who was standing on the top of a table, yelling "I'm a glass of orange juice! Don't tip me over!" For awhile, no one did, for they were all pretty bewildered at his statement anyway. However, since people can be incredibly cruel, someone pushed him off the table. Now, the table wasn't very high off of the ground, but he fell and died. Strangely enough, when he underwent his autopsy, they found no signs of a broken neck, or any of the other things usually expected from a death by a fall. Instead, they found a hallucinogenic substance(LSD?) in his pocket.

Apparently it had rained before, and it soaked into his skin.. so he really did believe he was a glass of orange juice. And then someone spilled him, and he died.

SIlly, isn't it?

no no no no no, you got it all wrong. Some dude was driving in his car with many sheets of acid with him and the dreaded sound of sirens put him into a panic as images of prison cells flashed in front of his eyes. Trying to think of what to do he slipped the sheets of acid into his sock while pulling his car over to the side of the road. Well the cop walked over to the car and started asking cop questions and the dude started to get really nervous and began sweating like a pig (or sweating because of the pig, i'm not sure.) Needless to say his ankles began to sweat and the acid began to come off the blotter paper and soak itself into his skin. The dude shortly after became completely insane and is now locked up in a mental institution believing that he is a glass of orange juice. This is the way I've heard the story multiple times from multiple people so therefore it must be true!

No no..he died. Someone tipped him over.

*I*'ve heard that from multiple people as well..

You're probably both right. That's the way of Urban Legends, they have a way of growing, adapting, and embellishing themselves from one teller to the next. When I originally put this collection together, I had the option of choosing different versions of a couple of these tales... the JATO episode, for one. And the one entitled "Ultimate Sacrifice" contains a lot of embellishment that I made up on the spot.

" And the one entitled "Ultimate Sacrifice" contains a lot of embellishment that I made up on the spot. "

LOL! Just making it change as you go along, eh?

Well, it *is* a rather common urban legend, so common that they made a movie about it not long ago, where two college kids tried to get A's by inviting a psycho dude into their room, then trying to push him off the edge until he killed himself. But I've never heard any details about it... just that some schools will give you A's. In order to include it, I filled it out with details. There was no incident as UCSC, no two kids that killed their roommate and dressed it up as a suicide. In fact, I doubt that the date I quoted even fell on a Saturday.

Colonel Sellers, making up Urban Legends in the spirit of the exercise.