After 2 weeks of nervous waiting there seems to have been an amazing turnaround of fortune for the madcap, barmy English professor mastermind of the cut price Buggle 2, Mars spacecraft. Professor Colon Pullinger has released to the press, supposedly photographic evidence of a safe landing for the budget, Buggle 2 spacecraft.

The press release claims that the delay in receiving transmissions from the almost abandoned spacecraft was simply down to a fault in the reconditioned Triumph Herald donor windscreen wiper motor used to unfold the multiple recycled dustbin lid canopy shells.
'This failure was compounded by the fact that the 3.5 volt ex Army, Ni-Cad batteries on board had not had enough time to sufficiently charge themselves during the 5 month space flight out to Mars.'

added the Professor.
'We could have done with a few more weeks really. If only we'd known earlier that Mars had passed its closest approach... and was moving away!!!'

This deficiency in charge rate of the onboard batteries is being put down to the less than expected energy output of the 255 off, Eastern
Block, ex Sekonda watch Solar cells that he had, in best Blue Peter style, hurriedly sellotaped to the exterior of the spacecraft just hours before takeoff.

The Professor went on to explain that even after many hours of scientific calculations down his local 'Dog and Duck' pub in Milton Keynes... the donor supermarket shopping trolley chassis under-performed in the 'unexpected' vacuum of space... and added that...
'The bloody Sun was in the wrong place during most of the flight out to Mars.'

Some scientific sources have poured scorn on the wisdom of carrying heavy Ni-Cad batteries all the way to Mars when there are newer, lighter... but admittedly, highly expensive technologies available such as Hydrogen/Oxygen combination fuels cells. In a robust reply Professor Pullinger explained that they had considered and tested all the alternative power sources, but had finally, due to budgetary constraints, narrowed it down to just 2 choices.
'I am convinced that the Ex Army Ni-Cads were the correct choice!'

he explained.

Professor Pullinger then launched into a defiant defence.
'Surely no-one in their right mind would have chosen the other cash strapped alternative... the donor Triumph Herald, 1967 car battery !!!'

Below is the first of a few photos that Professor Pullinger has released to the press detailing the Buggle 2 landing site that, Professor Pullinger claims, clearly shows the Buggle 2 Spacecraft parked 'At Ma's'.

According to Professor Pullinger, the photo was delayed by the closure of his local SupaSnaps over the festive season. But, he added with a flourish...
'It shows that Buggle 2 landed so softly it did not even set off the Fiat Panda installed airbags!!'

He went on to further proudly state...
'As soon as we can remotely activate the Skoda Estelle donor heating fan, clear the snow from the craft, wipe away the insect roadkill on the windscreen... and remove the dog droppings from the wheels... we will start to look for possible signs of life at Ma's...'

In an unprecedented move (some cynics say to deflect awkward questions from scrutiny of his 'Buggle 2 Success' story) he lashed out at NASA and poured scorn on their recent Mars Rover landings. Reproducing NASA photographs, he went on to explain that careful analysis of the first images show that they are clearly falsified by NASA.

Referring to a 1969 lunar landing conspiracy theory, the professor listed five clear forgeries in the NASA 'Spirit of Mars' landing panoramic photo...
Forgery Evidence

1. The shadows are all wrong.
2. If an American flag was there it would flop... and NOT blow about.
3. There are no footprints clearly visible.
4. Elvis is nowhere in sight.
5. The Burger Restaurant (highlighted in zoom ) just behind the crater is serving Big Meal Burgers.!! Now... Given that the photograph is supposedly taken at 7:45am... and everyone knows that they only serve Big Breakfast and Egg muffins before 10.30am !!... this
   represents CLEAR, undeniable 'proof' that NASA have forged their landings.

According to the English Professor...
'Those Yanks could not even hit a kitchen floor with a slice of toast... even with jam on both sides!!!'
'AND...'

interjected the Professor while journalists were still struggling to track his current line of argument...
'They have never even said thanks for us helping them out in WWII either!!'

Professor Pullinger finally announced that he is today launching a major project to raise funds for his next 'Buggle 3' attempt, which will require a far larger craft as it is a much more ambitious mission. He unveiled his plan to successfully land on the Sun, harness a good part of its power in a Bill Murray Ghost Buster-like containment chamber and bring around half of it back... safely to Croydon, England. When the Cornwall-located Professor was faced with the suggestion that this would inevitably lead to the possible vaporization of London, Slough, and most of the South Eastern counties he just shrugged and, with a blank expression enquired...
'So What???'

An unnamed anonymous university source close to Professor Pullinger said that the Professor has already procured a 1962 Ford Zodiac and an MOT failed Hillman Imp as well as having the castors from the Buggle 2 donor shopping trolley still available.
'However,'

continued the source
'It seems, somewhat lucky for the residents of the South East region, that it is doubtful whether the bonkers Madcap will manage to raise the necessary, heady project funding of £37.55p!!!!'

Acknowledgements..
The 'Buggle 2 at Ma's' image by kind permission of the owner. All characters are fictitious!

Stainless Rider

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