h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Tràigh Mhor - a postcard in timelapse (Autumn'06 Crit Run) - A2222894
Author: LLLwaz [h2g2UnderGuide -> A1103329] - U123301

"Crit Run entry (see A16273820), do your worst guys, Crit Runners and non-Crit Runners all, I'm ready for it. (And I've sworn to do the same back at least three times.)"

Written with my usual speed , ie most of it more than two years ago, but last changed a couple of months back. The main issue I have is whether it works as meant.

There's some other things too... but I'll wait on those, see if there's any comments.

Where did you intend that this article end up?

I wondered about that, too.

I think this is meant to be in the AWW. I'm sure that when Waz gets back online, that's where it will end up.

In the meantime, if anyone's not aware of the current AWW Autumn '06 Crit Run (for which this is intended), how about giving it a look?

A16273820

I mean, if you're subscribed to the EGWW, you've presumably got reviewing energy in abundance - ever considered expending some of it in the AWW, on some of the best writing in the whole of hootooland?

(I realise this looks like a stitch-up, but it isn't. Me exploiting a forum confusion - guilty Please do tell me off. But please have a look at the Crit Run too).

I remember reading the AWW regularly when I was new to h2g2, I even commented now and then. I don't feel I have th time for a substantive review, leave alone three, so I'll not sign up, but will try to read something and comment, if that's ok.

How stupid. Can't believe I did that again - I had it all ready to submit to the AWW, then remembered I hadn't changed the title, went back, did it in a rush and didn't check because I had to go and meet a train.

It'll be out of here in two minutes (connections slow tonight).

Sorry about the forum confusion.

My first impression of this was that it was a striking piece of descriptive writing. There are plenty of strong verbs-I particularly liked sanderlings skittering. It is also strong in its use of sound as well as vision - eg the low bass of the eider duck contrasted with the high call of the buzzard. I also liked the contrast between the grey skies and the sudden burst of colour. All this is excellent.

When the first set of people arrive, the sentence about the copper clasp on her shoulder and the blade at his waist catching the light is a bit awkward. Perhaps it could be turned round.

I think the reader expects a story about the ancient people, so the transition to the modern party is a bit abrupt. One approach would be to start the piece with the arrival in the bay of the modern party - tell it from the point of view of the young man, for example. Then he can imagine the arrival in the bay of the ancient people.

I thought the penultimate sentence bautiful though.
Best wishes with your writing

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