Bertie and the Beast: Happy Birthday Part 2

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A green and scary monster

Once again we are beholden to the current executors of the Knolly estate for letting us publish this, the second package of the great man's journals and memoirs.

Merrick lived in accommodation let by the University College Hospital — not that he had much to do with them these days, but the Board of Governors felt they owed him something after all his years of torment. The accommodation was not palatial by any standards, but it suited him down to the ground, which was rather apt, as he lived in a basement. When the League was in its infancy it was felt a central base of operations would be required, as was someone to keep track of core members. Merrick had been volunteered, based on the grounds that he went out very little and had an excellent memory. He had jumped at the chance to be useful, as indeed he had time and time again. Together with Bertie and Hobbes, he had created a mechanical filing system, the centrepiece of which was Bertie's ubiquitous 'tool'.

The heavens opened as we turned the corner into the mews where Merrick lived. As one, we ran up the road and barrelled down the short fight of steps. Bertie yanked at the doorbell as if to pull it from its mount.

'Come on, John, it's coming down cats and dogs out here!'

The door was opened on silent hinges by what appeared to be a smiling young lady of nineteen years or so. It was dark, but in the gloom it seemed to us that she had no clothes on.

'Er... good evening, Miss, we've come to see Mr John Merrick. Knolly and Bertie Harrison-Harrison,' said Bertie, doffing his hat.

She smiled and motioned with her head that the pair of us should follow her, and then skipped away with the lightness of a circus tumbler.

We stood there in the continuing downpour and looked at each other. 'Knolly, she had no clothes on... and did you see those teeth and the length of her fingernails?'

'I think you'll find that the young lady was covered with fur, so you needn't fear for her catching cold.'

'That, Knolly, was furthest from my mind!'

I chuckled and shook my head, sending a out a halo of raindrops from my hat. 'Come on, let's go on in. I think friend Merrick has found a companion at last.'

'Yes, but the teeth and the nails.... Vampire, lupine... um, a woman who don't follow the current fashion?'

'Feline, actually,' came a voice from within. 'Miss Fi Lyon.'

And there was Merrick, a bottle of milk in one hand, a bowl in the other and the catlike creature swarming all over him in an attempt to get his attention and purring in a way that I had only heard before in the jungles of South America: deep, guttural and spine-tingling.

'So, John, found someone to look after you in your dotage?' I inquired.

Merrick 'tsk tsked' as he put the milk down and tickled the girl behind the ears. 'Well, she keeps the mice at bay, and you know what I'm like with mice.' He bade us take a seat by the fire.

'Where's she from, then?' inquired Bertie.

'Oh. I rescued her from a fair; she was billed as the 'Wild Cat-Woman' — a kindred spirit, if you like. But while she looks about 18 years or so, her mind is far more childlike.'

'Can she talk?' continued Bertie.

'A few words, but she makes herself understood all right and she understands most of what I say. Tone of voice is also very important. When things get difficult to explain, though, I tend to resort to little drawings. She's an anomaly like me: congenital defects at birth, the fur, claws, teeth, she also has exceptional night vision, excellent hearing and a keen sense of smell.'

'Do you let her out at night, then?' chuckled Bertie, who soon stopped and let out a yelp. He looked down to his leg to find five long fingers exerting slight pressure and a pretty grinning face looking up at him.

'You see what I mean, Bertie, about her making herself understood?' said Merrick.

'Yes... um... I take it then she has her own key... nice kitty,' whispered Bertie.

'Come along, Fi,' said Merrick, hauling her off him. 'I'm sure these gentleman are not just paying a social call.'

Fi gave him a quizzical look and then went out of the room, hips swinging in a very suggestive manner.

'All she needs is a tail,' I thought aloud. 'But to business, John: the League has been given something to look into up in Scotland, something that cannot be officially sanctioned by the Service... so who's on the active list at the moment?'

'Have you spoken to Halogen yet?'

'Nope,' interjected Bertie quickly. 'You were closer and we thought it might take a few days to get people together.'

'Plus there is someone in the hospital upstairs we need to visit.'

'Hmmm...' thought Merrick as he offered us both a glass of sherry. 'This wouldn’t have anything to do with a spot known as Fort Augustus, would it?'

The sherry whooshed out through my nose. 'Ugh... sorry... but...'

Merrick proffered a cloth. 'I see I'm on target. Let me tell you what I know of that site and what your lords and masters have neglected to tell you. Do either of you currently have any idea what the War Office is up to at the moment?'

'Well... I assume by that you mean the increased activity in our shipyards to counter Germany's naval expansion as well as army recruitment for South Africa,' said Bertie, and I nodded.

Merrick shook his large head. 'I see that even the Service has only told you what it needs you to know. The way I see it, gentlemen, is that we have two countries spoiling for war — no, no, don’t interrupt — it will come and it will be on a global scale, much like Herbert has predicted. Don't smile like that, Knolly. Even you deep down know this to be true and I know you'll do anything you can to prevent it.'

I looked down to my boots. 'Yes, all right, John, I agree it's a possibility. Pray carry on.'

'I have recently come into very distressing knowledge which supports this grim theory from someone I had call on me the other day. A fellow anomaly like me, hunted down in his native United States to the point of being an outlaw... Ferdinand Sechs.'

'Sechs!' blurted out Bertie.

'Forgive me, chaps, but you have me at a disadvantage. I don't think I know the fella... Bertie?'

'Well come on, Bertie, you tell us what you know and I'll put you right when necessary,' prompted Merrick.

'Right... er... another glass please, John. Let me see now, Ferdinand Sechs and his family moved into a town called Humanity, where they were persecuted for one reason or another... his mother died in labour and no doctor would help... his father turned to drink and the town turned its back on him too. Ferdinand was a wild child but this time his anger exploded, literally — a power that burnt off half his face. He was chased out of that town, but that boy grew and became strong and mean.' Merrick nodded and refilled Bertie's glass. 'The next we hear of him is that he and some similar souls form a band of outlaws: the Sechs-Men or something, robbing trains and such-like,' Bertie finished.

'That is not the end of it, Bertie,' interrupted Merrick. 'Sechs and his colleagues were hunted down by a bounty hunter by the name of Trask. He had some mechanical men, 'Robomen', built to take them down and his mission was to erase all anomalies from the country. They chased him and his band all across the West and eventually to Mexico, where the trail went cold.'

'So Sechs is here in England. What of Trask and his mechanical men?' I asked.

'Ah, well, there's an odd tale... it seems that during the hunt they went wild and destroyed every living soul in Humanity — yes, the town where Sechs grew up. The US Government was not at all happy with Trask and pulled out of further funding of his project. Trask managed to keep his badge as a US Marshall and then went into politics... unfortunately for people like me.'

Knolly sighed. 'Well, an interesting history lesson, but back to the task in hand, eh?'

'That's just it, Knolly. Sechs tells me that Fort Augustus is a War Office research station, where among other things they have been experimenting on folk like Fi and myself to create some kind of enhanced human being resistant to anything a future war may hold.'

'Ahhh,' I mused. 'We do seem to be venturing into Well's territory here. Let us hope he can spare us some of his time in due course.'

The Great Knolly Archive

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