h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Another one.

Crash Dump - what you leave in your shorts after an accident.

URL - 2. something people in Boston add to their engine.

CD-ROM = What you get if you rent cheap in a red-light district.

Cache Hits = What untrained cats leave you as presents.

ICQ = The wait to ice skate

ASCII - What to do if you don't know the answery

Hex - Gypsies put this on you if you don't buy their pegs

Flag - Coloured piece of cloth designed to flap in the wind
(Or, what's happening to my inspiration on thinking of more of these)

Download - What hod carriers do at the end of the day

IT services - the people who know least about computing at your workplace

Flame - A bright yellow wobbly thing that you can't touch and burns you if you try

Bulletin board - Outcome of firing at and missing the teacher

Gigabyte - What godzilla does to his arch-enemy

Burst pipeline cache - Emergency appeal money

Index = Where playing cards are stored

Node = What Vicks(tm) clears

Far Pointer = Motorway signpost

Log File = Someone who likes segmented trees

ROTFL

This is great

Thanks everyone again!

The page has been updated to take into account all these new entries.

Clip art - making sculptures out of office stationery

Teleconferencing - a discussion about last night's EastEnders

Bubblejet - the result of breaking wind in the bath

Avatars - what you end up with if you sit on your bottom all day

Newby - a cartoon dog who never really caught on

Luser- A system adins term for those that use the network.
LART- Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool. It can be a half-brick or a plank or even a claymore (sword or mine makes no difference)

Alternate definition for kilobyte: death by mastication.

Stack - ordered pile of programmers

Baud - a bed in a telephone exchange. Usually comes with free breakfast

C++ - control language for underwater craft

CD Rom - little shiny disk containing dodgy pictures

OK, so these are pathetic, but it has been over two years since I was doing Computer Science, so my finger's not quite on the pulse as much as it used to be (so to speak).

I know they're all rather stupid, but I'm desperate to contribute.

Bill Gates: Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With
Chatroom: The ladies toilet at a party
Cookies: Yes please!
Deskjet: A motor for model aircrafts
Floppy disk: A frisbee
Harddisk: A disco fanatic
Inkjet: An oldfashioned airplane
Microchips: Potatoes for smurfs

E-banking = What Yorkshire Bank do

Net bandwidth = Bandwidth after tax

Integer = Where te jam's kept.

Templates = Part of a large dining set

O-O = Sound of a despairing programmer (O-O is me...)

Parity bits = Beak, claws, plumage etc.

(P.S. What goes "Pieces of seven, peices of seven?"
A: Parity error )

CD-ROM Tray
cup holder


Not sure if this fits into the theme or not.
-Destroy

ping : sound made by a small bell

PCMCIA : 2 People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms

Parity bits.... tee hee!

Thanks once again everyone! Just updated the page.

A question occurs to me, why did noone think of doing something like this before?

*insert awed wisper here*
Dunno, our brains must be to higly trained.

Terabyte - a shark just bit my leg off
Exabyte - an extra-terrestial just bit my leg off
Petabyte - the Community Editor doesn't like me (sorry Peta)
FORTRAN - military code for 'they surrendered without a fight'
APL - A Programming Language (sadly this is real)
VB - 2 stages before VD
Java - an island near Australia/coffee(US) (sadly also true)
Microsoft - a pygmy without Viagra (very un-PC, also untrue)
HTML - he tries, mainly loses (school reports)
WOM - the utlimate in data security, Write Only Memory
WOMBAT - file to access WOM
Pascal - pale colours, much used in decoration
LISP - a programming impediment
Client-Server System - we pay the money, you do the work
Perl - a semi-precious language

WTB - will try better, Jan^

Another *real* industry acronym is "TWAIN" (as in scanners) which stands for Technology without an interesting name. I kid you not.

(Collective noun for a group of senior COBOL programmers = A Load of old COBOLlers)