h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The History of Home Video games - A2114092
Author: storm198 - U542479

i wrote this a long time ago so please tell me what you think so i can make it better

Wow, I don't know where to begin. This entry contains a wealth of interesting information, but it is generally not very well organized. I would suggest you begin by switching to GuideML and putting in some headers to help you organize your thoughts. Also, the narrative should be in past tense rather than present unless you format it as a timeline with years next to each comment (inserting dates would be a good idea anyway). If it is generally formatted that would help greatly with more specific details.
-MotDoc

This would definitely benefit from GuideML.

Put at the start of every paragraph and at the end.
Put at the start of every heading and at the end.
Put at the start of every subheading and at the end.

Click the GuideML button and then click Change Style. That should do it.

here's a lot there to work on, but just from a legal perspective can I just ask you to change a couple of things?:

"The Dual Shock controller has a new analogue joystick in the middle of the controller and has a built in rumble pack. "

The Analog Controller (Dual Shock) actually had two analogue sticks, which were placed symetrically at either side of the controller, not one in the middle (that was the Nintendo controller for the N64). Also, it very specifically did not have a 'rumble pack' - that's a trademarked Nintendo name for a similar function. Sony always referred to it as a 'vibration function' which worked by having two small motors inside to generate degrees of vibration.

As both companies could legitimately give us a kicking for getting this wrong, it'd help if you fix that. Once you come back to this though, I can help with the Sony section (don't know much more about earlier consoles, but I'm sure loads of other people could help you out - you might try asking people in <./>Askh2g2</.> if they know any facts you could mention.

One-stop researcher? Back to entry time?

Seconded

OK, I've just skimmed this entry, but it looks like it has potential. However, I should probably mention that I have already written (what appears to be) a smilar entry at A996979 although since this is basically recent history, a more recent entry can only be a good thing.

Also, one minor point - at the start, you say "I do hope more people have heard of this country." For some reason, you're not allowed to use the first-person in edited entries (though I did this myself in the original version of the link above). You'll have to change 'I' to something like 'this researcher' in order to make it through.