h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...not hard enough though, I'd say.

*wrapping Bruces hands completely in padded binding cloth, and haging him above the couch Krissy dove under. wipes hands*

There you go, Doctor - That'll teach another patient to feel that he can speak freely and honestly to a mental healthcare provider! Heh.

Now, there's that little mention of "Vacation Pay" that we were supposed to discuss...

Good work, Nurse. That will indeed teach 'im.

On to the matter vacation pay, and, in fact, any pay at all. I thought you were happy enough to be doing purely volunteer work what with all the perks. I mean you get all that fun with the tranquiliser gun, unlimited use my my "secret medicine" (tequila) cabinet and, erm, well that's about it I suppose. Still, it seems unreasonable of me not to give any ground, how about 3 M&Ms a week and as many paper-clips as you can eat?

*calling out from under the couch*

"If this is an emergency press 3. Your fingers are too fat to use the buttons. To recieve a special phone, mash the keypad with your palm...now."

Zis I zink eez zee first case I've seen of someone zinking zat zey are an IVR. How about if I press zero, Krissy?

*muffled and crying into the floor* "The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and dial again." *sob*

mmmphhhh hmmpph gulp mmmphhhh hmmpph gulp
mmmphhhh hmmpph gulp mmmphhhh hmmpph gulp mmmphhhh hmmpph gulp


;^)#

*nibbles rope*

*THWUMP, plip* *ermph!* *shakes head* ... I knew there was a reason I generally hang upside down on the rope when I do that.

Er, Dr. Jonny, you *ate* the keys to the "special medicine" cabinet after you, well, drank all the "special medicine". Remember? You tried to eat the cabinet too, before I had to...umm..."put you down"? You don't remember? Harumph. Big surprise.

I mean, I suppose that getting to wear this cute little uniform, toting a huge tranq gun and working with the public should be payment enough, but....have you *seen* Zimbabwe at this time of year? Stunning, I say.

So...I'll just make the appropriate reservations...if...Krissy...will...let...go...of...the...phone!! Achtablurch!! A little help, please?

ooooooooh - happyfunjuice!!

~~bOiNg!!~~

*clutching the phone tightly, being dragged out from under the couch yelling* THE AREA CODE FOR THE NUMBER YOU ARE DILING HAS BEEN CHANGED! THE NEW AREA CODE IS 3, 0, *mmfph* 2!

*adding angrily* PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT!!

I really have no idea what you're talking about Amanda, although I was wondering why I had to buy that big new shiny cabinet *points to his favourite part of the room*, stocked with over 100 varieties of medicinal preparations. Agave is a miraculous herb... Tell you what, let's unlock the thing and crack open a bottle, might help poor Anonymouse recover from that nasty fall and Cafram seems rather eager too. Tequila all round, except for Krissy - I don't think it would be appropriate to feed alcohol to telephony devices.

Dammit, what's happned to my accent?!

Vell, zo vot eez zis you ver saying about Zimbabwae Amanda? I'm not at all sure I see vot zat hez to do wiz zee price of feesh.

*still clutching the phone and sobbing lightly* If you would like to have a drink using our automated drink request system, please press one now. BEEP! Thank you. To request a shot of tequila please press one now. BEEP! Thank you. *sob*

Vell, tell you vot Krissy, vhy don't you swap zee phone for zis nice slice of lime und shot of tequila. Ooh, hez ennyone zeen zee zalt?

I ate it.....gi'ss a drink!! quickquickquickquickquickquick!!

*licks the salt from the rim and falls in the glass* *hic* ... And this will cure me of falls, right, doc?

*Yelling into Krissy's ear*

Hullo? International exchange?!? Can I...hullo?? CAN I GET THE NUMBER TO...dammit! Is this thing plugged in?

My idea was, Anony, that you'd be doing a small amount of falling over but then not very much else for a while, it'd be kind of difficult to fall from an incorrectly nibbled rope in that state.

Can't even hear a dial tone from Krissy, perhaps we need to make sure her arms aren't stuck down or something...

*grabs hold of Krissy's arms and pulls them above her head*

Is that any better, nurse?

*relinquishing the phone and sucking down the shot of tequila. mumbling sloppily*

When making an international call, please dial the country code followed by the city code followed by the number you are calling. For the correct country code dial zero to reach an opperator. *hic*