h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I must have been really drunk! When did Newfoundland and New Brunswick become "states" or part of the United States...
When I went to bed last night...I still lived in Canada!!

I found this article to be quite intriguing and informative. Especially the section on beer laws in the United States. I do not want to nit-pick (the poor nits are picked on quite enough these days), so I will rather point out a very interesting situation that could arise as a result of the aforementioned section.

The inclusion/spotaneous anexation of New Brunswick and Newfoundland into the U.S. may bring about some changes in the following activities in the countries concerned.

In Canada, as we all know, the national passtime consists of continually pointing out the following facts that:

a) Canada is not the U.S.
b) Canada is not a part of the U.S.
c) Canada is nothing like the U.S.--except for its level of industrialization, education, freedom, liberty, and all that sort of rot

Similary, in the U.S., a popular passtime consists of:

a) Recalling how to spell and pronounce "Canada" and remembering that it is also a country
b) Realizing that not only is Canada a country, but it is a country that borders the U.S. to the north
c) Smugly misleading oneself into thinking that "Canada" consists of the land extending 20 km from the U.S. boarder and exists solely for the creation of S.U.V. (Sport Utility Vehicle) commercials
d) Attempting to sing "Oh Canada" beyond the first two words and not to the tune of "Oh Tennenbaum"


Thus, if the following annexation does commence, massive reassessments will have to be made to both of these wonderful passtimes.

Being a Newfoundlander who has some connection with the US, I find it highly unlikely that this annexation will take place. I suspect this is merely wishful thinking on the part of a Yank who is desperate for decent beer. The truth is that, in order for the mightly USA to perform this annex, they would need to have some rudimentary knowledge of geography. In short, they would have to be able to find Newfoundland. After all, merely saying a thing does not make it true. I ought to know...I have been saying that I am a millionaire for months now.

and as these Yanks search for decent beer..it may help them if the standard reply to "I'm from Newfoundland" isn't "That's near Toronto isn't it?"

Sorry people I would have got back here sooner, but for some reason this wasn't showing up on my home page, it was only when I searched for it did I find it.

My apologies to you Canadians. I'm afraid my geography really is a little on the abismal side, after all I'm from England, and you could probably fit all our geography into one of your big towns

I sort of drew a blank for Canada when writing this article, at the time I didn't know any Canadians, and even now I only know one, and he lives in Toronto

I'd really appreciate it if either or both of you could write the entry for Canada, as I said, I'm not too sure what the laws there are.

England? Isn't that near Paris, France?



Anyway, I liked the article and have an addition to the Scottish bit.
I am told that there are a number of pubs open untill 4 a.m on a Saturday morning. Also, there is one that opens at 5 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Thus it is possible to drink in pubs for 23 out of 24 hours in a day. Hoorah!

Also, lock-ins are not exclusively Irish. I remember being in Ayrshire at Christmas once (my parents live there) and walking through the village at 2 in the morning. All four pubs I passed were howling with noise. I think it is just an advantage of being in the countryside.

I live in Ontario, Canada, before that Quebec (the French bit) and before that Ayrshire, before that various bits of England. My drinking experience is mostly confined to this side of the Atlantic.

We used to be the remaining bit of British N. America, and had a war with our neighbours in 1812 to keep it that way. Now we just get invaded by bad TV game shows, and police video programs (and Jerry Springer, I guess). The Queen is our head of state still.

The drinking laws in my experience are as follows - They vary from province to province (not states, as Canada is not a republic, it uses the parliamentary system of gummint):

In Quebec a bar can serve drinks until 3am. You have to be 18 to drink or buy alcohol. Children and underage eenagers are not allowed into bars. However restaurants can serve alcohol, etc. with a different licence. If I am not worng they can serve drink until midnight. In Quebec you can buy beer at the Societe des Alcools du Quebec - This does not mean the Quebece Alcoholics Society - but the govt. run wine/liquor beer store. These are usually open during normal retail hours, and sell everything from cheap beer to he finest wines and spirits. On most street corners in Quebec there is a "depanneur" - which roughly translated means a provision store, shortened to the "dep" in colloquial terms. The "dep" is allowed to sell tobacco, beer and wine, but not hard liquor. They can sell alcohol 7 days a week up until 11pm. Usually they sell Canadian beer of many kinds and common imported beer like Heineken. THe "dep" wines are normally not considered to be the finest, often grown on the semi-sunny slopes of Quebec somewhere or sent over in tankers from France. You can buy many other things there, and often rent videos, etc. These are almost always small family rn businesses, and a common integral part of urban life.

In Ontario it is much the same for bars, except they close at 1am. Where I live in Ottawa - the city of Ottawa (the capital) is in Ontario while the other half of the urban area, over the river is Hull, Quebec. As you can imagine, Hull is famous for it's bars (somewhat rowdy) and casinos. It is not so much now a problem, thanks to police control, but it used to be that many would drink their brains out until 1am in Ottawa then drive on over to Hull to go on for a couple of hours more. Until a few years ago Ontario followed Germanic opening hours, and the only way to get a beer much of the time (or do any shopping) was to go somewhere else, especially on Sunday. Now bars are open all week round. To buy for the home, there are no friendly "deps", unless you drive to Quebec - There is a "Liquor Control Board of Ontario" rather the same as Quebec's SAQ - with an appropriately totalitarian, guilt inspiring name. Don't mess with the staff! In addition you can buy beer, from the cryptically named "Beer Store" until late hours (often 10pm) most days, and even Sundays. In the "Beer Store", they often have a very good selection of beer, but you can't handle the goods until it is conveyed to you by the staff and some conveyor device under strict security. You have to be 19 to buy beer. Beer Stores and some of the "Liquor Control Boards" have become bland establishment often surrounded by street people collecting change to go in and fill up - Urban decay.

I have also lived in Mexico. There the laws are more European. You can buy pretty much any wine/liquor/beer at the supermarket, specialist wine stores, or brewery outlets during normal business retail hours. The exception is on Sunday, where the sale of alcohol is stopped at 2pm - Most workers work 5 to 5.5 days (a half Saturday), and I suppose the govt. wants to control alcohol distribution on Sundays. Bars open until 2am in most cases, there are some really late night places around. Dance bars often open this late, serving drinks. Similar to pubs, Cantinas are open until late evening serving mostly (exclusively) male patrons who come to socialise with their buddies, away from the wimminfolk.

Another Canadian note. I have not been there, but I read, that in Nunavut in the Arctic North, you cannot buy alcohol, except in hotels and clubs. You can bring in your own stash for personal use given permission. They are very concerned there about the devastating effects alsohol abuse has had on the communities in the North of Canada. I am thinking of going on a trip sometime there - it is said to be very beautiful, and I imagine tranquil - a sobering thought.

So where in Ayrshire then?

Lived in Troon for about 2yrs. Used to bike over to the breakwater in the harbour (often under windpower, or against it) to go fishing and never caught anything except yachts. Best fishing for codling was just South of Ayr. I remember my (Scottish) granny took a trip up from England to take us on a haggis hunt. This involved getting a train to Wemmys Bay, going to the butcher, and taking it back home. It was an awesome haggis, especially for spending a half day to buy it. Do you know the place by any chance?

My Granny and Grandad used to have a caravan at Wemyss Bay (I just checked and that is the spelling. How odd.). I distinctly remember the view over the Clyde and a purple kettle. But then I was wee at the time. My parents currently live in Newmilns (home of the comedy dry ski slope) just outside Kilmarnock and I went to school in Galston (Home of Loudoun Gowf Club, the only Gowf club in the world). So, yes, I know of Ayrshire. I also used to go to the beach at Barassie, I even went swimming there!
Did you ever go to Nardinni's in Largs?

I thought Wemyss had a double thingy somewhere. I don't know an awful lot of the region, I left when I was 15, so most of my time was spent in school, or dodging golf balls.