h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry things were going slow.

*shrug*

i have no idea.

*ahem*

Another round?

Sorry DD, I didn't see you there.

*pours and |_|*

Here you go.

Thank you.

SO Tinkerbell how are things?

*refills the munchies*

Munchies, eh? Little chocolatey squares filled with caramel and biscuit. Splendid idea.
*takes handful of Munchies*

*stands squealing on top of a chair*
Hi DD, Dr Ev, Menza
Things would be so much better if there wasn't a house spider the size of me sat about a foot away from me
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...it's running towards me
*stands shrieking again*
Quick gimme an empty beer mug

Is it one of mine, I think they breed in my flat

*covers spider in an up turned *

Thanks Menza, that's much appreciated but it's still here I can sense it waiting to leap out and bite me... I think it's under the book case so I can't get down from seat until it's been caught...admittedly I can't catch it until I get down from this seat so it looks like it could be a long night

What you really need is some kind of 24-hour mobile spider catching service.
Excuse me a minute, I've just had a fantastic business idea...

Thats OK, if you like spiders I suppose.

No one likes spiders...
Err EV how much are you likely to charge for this spider removal service? And are you currently in Scotland still as I think that by the time you get here it'll have eaten me

Ok new plan, I'll sit and drink and then I'll never notice that it's there...
*moves further towards the middle of her seat*

Yes, well, it's early days, the idea involves having lots of people in different places, ready to respond to emergency calls at the drop of a hat, a bit like the AA. How much would you be willing to pay?

Sounds like a great idea but I think they'd get sick of coming to rescue me after a while
Hmmm...does this mean that I have to get rid of this one myself?
I'd better get another drink then

I'd advertise in the Yellow Pages, but potential customers might realise that they could save themselves money by simply hitting the spider with the Yellow Pages.

I think you'd find that if all your customers are like me they'd be far too busy squealing and trying to keep as far away from the spider as possible...the only trouble would be that you have to remain near enough to the spider to keep an eye on where it is so unless the phone happened to be in the same room you'd not be able to ring
Although you could issue regular customers with pagers...

I would advise all my customers to buy a mobile or cordless phone and keep it with them at all times.
*gets out notepad and scribbles: "Remember: open mobile and cordless phone shop"*

I bet it wasn't as big as the one I caught in my flat, it could move the glass I put over it to keep it still.

*Walks in with a (_) of brandy*

Hiya