h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't you just drop the vodka into the pint?

g||

Cos that just makes a mess all over the bar.

The peeople that drink these usually do that anyway.

It's a good excuse for short measures tho.

ME, SHORT MEASURES. How dare you suggest such a thing?

Well, how do you explain the doorman with the measuring tape who won't let certain blokes in just cos the distance from their crotch to the hem of their shorts is classed as girly hot pants?

Ummmm, no comment.

Quite right too, you can't have blokes wandering round in hot pants the next thing you know they'll be trying to wear lycra

Anyway, it's not vodka you put in beer it's whisky and it doesn't make a mess because you start drinking it before it's had time to spill...kinda like when you're using those self service drinks machines in motorway service station's and in order to justify paying £10 for a small diet coke you have to fill it right to the top but you can't due to froth so you have to start drinking it whilst pouring and then it doesn't go everywhere when you drop it on the way to the till

Lycra

*shudder*

Are there any real people out there that can look good in Lycra? Or is it all cooked up by Holywood to delude everyone.

Yeah, I suppose you're right, I passed that Eddie Irvine guy 5 minutes ago (yeah, yeah which was strange cos I couldn't remember eating him) and the state he looked in that lycra body stocking. I agree with you totally Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell? Strange where did she go?

Drink machines are even more fun with capu..cappuc...coffees.

Menza, I think you may have had your doorman kidnapped and replaced by John Inman. What do you think?

I didn't know I had a doorman.

*Gasps*

I'm in the wrong pub? This isn't the Moron and Merkin? I was meant to meet Claudia Schiffer at 10.30 as well.

*bursts into tears of frustration*

I'm still here, I just got distracted I may have just had a thought which scared me you see...free weekend may imply free weekend rather than selected free hours at random times until midnight...hmmm

Anyway, what what what??? What's this about passing Eddie Irvine??? What what what??? *starts bouncing up and down in what's probably shortly to be crushed excitement*

If Menza has a door man how come I keep being let it? I've never seen him...

And in your answer no men ever look good in lycra but us fairies can pull off top half lycra *realises how badly phrased that was and hopes no one notices* but any lycra below the waist is left for depressingly thin Hollywood types

Oooh look it's 00.06, you know what that means? I think I've finally escaped the curse of BT

I've heard of tempting fate, but you're taking things to extremes now. ..

wait a minute, I'm still here as well, crying my little eyes out

There's something funny going on

What am I tempting fate with? My protests against lycra or my Bt connection or just by being here? And are you still here due to strange Bt occurences or are you still here because you're preparing to put lycra shorts on now you've got passed the doorman

Anyway, I'm sure Claudia will be waiting for you but you're not allowed to leave yet as I'm still connected so I'm staying here til it goes

Anyway why did you pass Irv in the sewers? Isn't he meant to be in Budapest, it's no wonder the Jags keep failing if there's no drivers

It ended up you were tempting fate with MY BT connection. Got disconnected and when I dialled in again I was connected at a fantastic 19200 bps. I think BT have a rota going as to who to annoy.

I wasn't in the sewers, I saw Eddie out in the street, asking if anyone knew the road to Hungary. Apparently he took a wrong turning during practice and ended up outside the F&F.

Turn your back while I put on my lycra shorts, and I suggest you keep it turned thereafter!

I personally don't care who it is... lycra tops, with a certificate from your local board of Fashion netiquette (sp?) (see FC or other provo's). Hi you'all having funnies yet watch the US election scene?
*Pours out three shots (tequila, whiskey, iced vodka), a draft, drinks the vodka, shoots the tequila, drops the whiskey into a bioler maker and downs it in one to get that nasty policital taste out* Much better now. So how about them .... F1 drivers?
-Jin
(Hey saw you in retro time at the Drive-In)

Aaaw man I'm confused...strange how it's always you that does that to me Jin, so did you see my sparkly boots?

So what do you think of the F1 drivers then, am I the only one not to have seen Irv wandering round looking lost on his way to Hungary? That's quite upsetting *wanders off to fetch the picture of her and Button* ahhh that's better cheery again

*wolf whistles*

Hey Wumbeevil nice legs! Maybe we were wrong about the lycra

*realises how dark it is and wonders whether she should have turned the light on when she came in this morning*

I'm glad to know it's not just me who BT chose to disconnect, there I was minding my own business, waiting to see you in lycra and what happened, everything went dark and even after an hour I still couldn't see anything...I guess that's how BT get over the discrepancy between 'all weekend' and 'just evenings'

Aaah well I'm back now...sadly I'm all alone but I'll be leaving to watch the race in a bit anyway

Btw, after I'd left did you ever find Claudia? Not to worry I'm sure she's quite dull anyway...

No! Whatever you do don't turn the light on, I've been unfavourably compared with the Michelin Man in lycra. Here, as a gesture of humanity, I shall don my gold lamé kilt and fake leopardskin sporran.

OK you can look now.

I didn't find Claudia, apparently Irv had bumped into her and they'd caught the Orient Express to Budapest.

*hears sobs* Sorry, did I say something wrong?

Well you go and watch the race to take your mind off of Claudia and Irv (you won't see either!), and I'll go and get enough anaesthetic down me to attend a Celtic game. Think I'll need a few stout pernods Menza.

Ooh you're back...although you may have left again now

*turns on light*
Oh wait there you are,
*wolf whistles again*
Lovely kilt although it seems a bit flamboyant for daytime wear but definitely not something the Michelin Man *shudders at recollection of time she met the Michelin Man* would wear so I think you should keep it on

*stops sobbing* It's ok I just found a stray onion

It's not suprising that Irv's left with Claudia because she does look a bit like Anouk so maybe he's just missing her...anyway I've just seen him on the tv...well I saw an approximation of him, it clearly wasn't him because his hair is still bleached and if it was the real Eddie he'd have seen the pics on the Jaguar site and realised it looked green so he'd have enough sense to wear a hat for media appearances

Anyway, I've just spied Jenson so I'm contented now

Celtic game? Well assuming you're talking about football the season only started yesterday so they can't be doing that badly

Go Coulthard! Hakenin will win it though. Button goes wide, arhhh.