Smudger Snippets
Created | Updated Dec 21, 2006
I suppose it's because I have so much time on my hands these days that all these memories come flooding back to me.
The Turkey
It was the custom of the American company we worked for back in the seventies, to give every employee a frozen turkey for Christmas, along with the Christmas bonus. The bonus was worked out on what every individual had earned over the year and also included all the overtime that had been worked. This overtime made a great difference to us all, so we all tended to work a lot of it to increase our yearly earnings. Not everyone, however, did it just for the money.
We had this one particular welder in our crew who worked every hour that was going just to be away from home. The reason for this soon became apparent when we met his wife. She was a big woman and, to be honest, it must be said that she not what you would call a looker. In fact you would be forgiven for thinking that, as she fell from the ugly tree, she came into contact with every branch and twig on the way down.
She had the kind of build that would make you think that she was really a Russian shotputter and a face that could stop a man dead in his tracks at forty paces.
Now in those days we all worked hard and for very long hours, so when we did eventually have a day off from work, we would all most probably be in the local pub where we could all meet up and have a well earned break and few drinks and a laugh. This was accepted by most of the wives of the men that did this except for this bloke's wife who would, on occasion, come looking for him in all the pubs we would frequent. The mistake that he made was giving her a time at which he would come home and, of course, he never did.
On one occasion I and a few others were with him when she came bursting in through the door. She managed to block out all the daylight that was desperately trying to shine in around her at the time and made a beeline for the table where we were all sat.
He was sitting in the corner where it would normally be difficult to get out from, yet with one determined tug she leaned over the table, grabbed him by the collar of his jacket with both of her strong arms and lifted him straight over all the present company, without spilling a drop of the many drinks on the table, before landing him right in front of her. She then frog-marched him out of the door with his feet hardly touching the floor, slamming the door behind her.
We all just sat there it total disbelief and fear; the atmosphere was totally quiet for a few moments before anyone said a thing. That was, in fact, the first time I had met her since their wedding day a few years before and believe me when I say that she had changed a lot since then. He used to come to work with bruises and tell us that he fell down the stairs while drunk, or gave some other type of reason. But, over time, the truth came out to his closest friends that she used to beat him up if he came home drunk at any time. This would be a regular thing as he was very fond of a few pints after his shift. This fact was well known to us all, but still he would give out various excuses when he arrived at work showing bruises and scratches, so we just went along with it to save his embarrassment.
Anyway, it was nearing Christmas and the tokens that were later to be handed in for the turkeys were put into our pay packets, along with the dates indicating when we had to go to the warehouse and collect them. It was quite common for one man to pick up a work mates' turkey for him as that person may be off sick or on his day off, so this bloke asked me to pick his one up for him. What actually happened was that he was due to collect his on the same day as myself but did not come to work that day as he'd had an argument with his wife the night before, which I think he lost, and he was too bruised and battered to come into work. So he asked me on the phone, the night before, to call by on my way to work and collect his ticket from him.
I stopped by his house at five thirty that morning and, to be honest, I got a surprise when I saw him walking towards my car; his face was all swollen and he had two black eyes as well as a limp. I actually felt sorry for him and, for the first time, I realised just how bad his problem was but didn't said anything about it to him and told him that I would be at his house that evening on my way home.
After the shift was over and I had collected the two birds I noticed that one was three pounds heavier than the other so I decided to give him the larger one as he had more kids than I had. Now the cardboard boxes that the birds were in had started to soften up as they had been frozen and the warmth from my car heater had made the matter worse. So by the time I got to his house I had to be careful how I handled the box as I took it out from the car and made my way up the path to his front door. I rang the bell and heard her shouting at him to answer it. He obviously did not respond fast enough for her as she screamed out yet again at him to answer the door. By the time he had opened it and was taking the bird from my arms, she came bellowing up the hall. At this point I must admit I was scared, but she pushed him aside to say thanks, which surprised me at the time.
Then it happened! As she pushed him aside the frozen bird fell out of the damp box and all fourteen pounds of it landed on his foot! To make matters worse he was wearing slippers and had been standing on a concrete door step at the time. The pain must been excruciating for him and he dropped the empty box and started to dance around holding onto his sore foot at the same time. This must have really annoyed his wife, as he was doing all this in full view of their neighbours, so she started slapping him trying to get him to stop.
I must be honest and say that I did not know whether to laugh or cry at that moment. The sight of him dancing around like that, with her slapping him, was really funny yet I dared not show that in case she decided to come after me and, believe me, no man would want that - Christmas or not!
I don't know what ever happened to them as I was paid off after the Christmas break, along with a few hundred other men, and I had to leave my home town and get work elsewhere. Yet every time I see a frozen turkey when I am in a supermarket, I cannot help but smile as the memory of that poor, unfortunate bloke comes back to my mind.
