Absolutely Plumb
Created | Updated Nov 30, 2006
Too Much of a Test?
You can't help but be optimistic at the start of a cricket series, even if you're an England fan. Yes, you know key players are out of form or absent, that the coach hasn't exactly picked the personnel you would have liked to have seen, that the opposition have won 11 of the 12 matches since you last played them, and so on. Even when you're playing the world's best team in their own backyard on a ground where they haven't lost for 17 years.
So, like much of the country, I was well-prepared — better prepared, as it transpired, than the England team, but we'll let that pass for a moment. I'd snaffled every Ashes supplement I could lay my hands on, pored over every website for clues and news and arranged my shifts perfectly around play. On the day, I listened to Five Live's build-up, bought a case of lager and made sure my England tops were clean and ready to wear. I was in this for the long-haul. I wasn't even too upset by the inclusion of Ashley Giles, for goodness sake. In the last hour before play, I nervously paced the lounge, puffed up the cushions, exchanged sporting 'good luck's with Linus, chucked a cricket ball from hand to hand and with half an hour to go, watched Ponting win the toss and choose to bat.
No problem, I'll enjoy it anyway. Harmison up first with the new ball, no doubt. I got settled, opened the first lager of the series and waited for the talk to end and the action to start. Harmison walked to the start of his run-up, scratched around and waited for the call of 'play'. I don't know about Brisbane, but you could feel the electric atmosphere in my lounge. Here we go.
Harmison ran in and bowled a ball so wide that it went straight to an astonished Flintoff at second slip. If you haven't seen the ball, you probably need reference points here. Imagine you've just watched an England footballer take a crucial penalty in a World Cup shoot-out. Or that the great bottle of wine you've been saving for a special occasion has turned to vinegar. Or that you've just heard that the Spice Girls have reformed. In that one, iconic first ball, England's hopes took a nose-dive. This was going to be a struggle.
I grabbed a towel and wiped the lager off my shirt, the sofa and the floor.
I got a few more emails from Linus through the Test and although I opened every one with trepidation, none were gloating or mocking in any way. Perhaps they didn't need to be; Australia were so dominant that there wasn't any need to rub it in. England took just three wickets on the first day; I went to bed at half-past four, with the highlight being the sighting of a Devon flag with the name of a Torquay pub on it. I felt cheated; I'd invested so much time, careful planning and enthusiasm, and this is how their bowlers reward me?
Of course, there were two sides playing, so it wasn't entirely England's fault. Australia were magnificent, Langer putting the doubters to bed with a quickfire 82 and Ponting returning on the second day to fall just four runs short of a double century. Gilchrist excepted, all their batsmen stuck their bottom jaws out and mercilessly took the attack to the English. It's very rare to see a team so comprehensively in charge for such a long period. I'd gone to bed long before Australia declared at 602-9, and missed their final flourish when they took three wickets before the close.
Only Ian Bell resisted briefly, making a half-century in England's total of 157 in reply. It was to be a long night. Australia chose to bat again rather than make England follow-on, and none of the English bowlers took a wicket — the only man to fall being Hayden, who was run out. After three days of being pummelled into the ground, England had Buckley's chance. It was all but over.
Fortunately for us night-owls, England finally did better on the fourth day. Australia declared again, with an unattainable lead of 647, but Cook, Collingwood and Pietersen all played well enough to restore some pride, even if saving the match was never realistic. We'd won a couple of sessions — just about — at last.
On the last day, predictably, Australia looked like they wanted to get business over and done with and bowled England out in a little over 20 overs to complete a crushing victory by 277 runs. The only joy was in hearing the Barmy Army, loud and clear, right through the morning session.
So it's on to Adelaide next. England fans will be hoping that somehow the key man, Harmison, can find some form very quickly. Dreadful in Brisbane, he is key to England's success or otherwise. Having taken only nine wickets with the ball in the first match, England need him firing soon. Monty Panesar must surely come into contention on a spinner-friendly pitch, with Anderson the most likely to miss out — it is almost inconceivable that England would drop the fragile Harmison, so to speak. The batsmen have shown they can perform and if the bowlers, as a unit, can do the same, the rest of the series might be a tad more interesting for the Poms.
Australia, for their part, will look to keep that level of performance for the Second Test. After winning the first Test in 2005, they perhaps felt it was going to be too easy and Ponting and Buchanan will be reinforcing the need to maintain, and even improve, their standard. If they win the toss and choose to bat, it could be another very long match for the English.
Linus, another good-luck message before the match would be very much appreciated. I get the feeling we might need it more than you...
