h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Late in his life, Churchill was sitting in the front row of the House with some impertinent youngsters behind him. Seeing him slumped and ill-looking, they begin muttering about the state of his body and mind. They claim he is going senile, they claim he is an alcoholic and they state that they consider his sight to be failing. Suddenly Churchill turns round, faces them and says, "They say he's going deaf, too".

Here's another one: A woman once pointed to Churchill's prodigious abdomen and said to him, "If this were on a woman, we'd know what to think." Churchill replied, "Half an hour ago, madam, it _was_ on a woman; and now what do you think?"