h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One small typo:
The Gresford Colliery was exempt as it ws --> was

I'm not sure about the inclusion of the list of players each side for the footy match... it just breaks up the flow in my opinion, and you're suddenly into 'The Accident'

Might be worth adding that the doubling up of shifts caused there to be more men below than there might otherwise have been: you hint at it, but it's never made clear. eg:

many miners doubled up their shifts so they could watch the match, hence more miners were underground that night than normal.

Up to you. Otherwise, tis a fine piece, and I like the ballad in its new position.

I would like to keep the names of the footballers in as they clubs went to so much trouble in getting that information for me.

Would a large footnote be ok do you think?

Entry: Gresford Colliery Disaster - A15713705
Author: Vicki Virago (That would be Mrs) ACE/Scout/Sub-editor - U205101




Personally I wouldn't like a large footnote.

Perhaps a short sentence stating the match went ahead, unaware of the significance it had on the miner's lives ???

I like lil's suggestion : that way you get keep the names in the main entry, and the short sentence would just bridge between it and the accident...

whaddya think?

Why don't you compress the teamsheets, like they do on the sports pages, e.g.

Tranmere: Gray, Dawson, Warren, Barton, Newton, Spencer, Baker, Meacock, , Woodward, MacDonald, Urmson. (Scorers: Baker, Urmson)

Wrexham: Adams, Jones, Hamilton, Bulling, McMahon, Lawrence, Bryant, Frewin, Bamford, Snow, Waller. (Scorers: Frewin, Snow)

Thanks Icy!!! that does the trick just nicely!

I've altered it just as Icy suggested.

It does look much better now. Thanks you guys

Do you think if you changed the wording from >>watch the match<<

To "attend the match"

Our younger researchers might forget there was no TV at that time

aaaahhh...good idea mum!

ssshh..I was in dissg.. ummm.. incog..

I was pretending to be a researcher!

VV I have found the original radio brad cast done by the beeb. You may want to use it
http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/northeast/sites/wrexham/pages/gresford_disaster.shtml

Thanks Sis.

I also think Tranmere and Wrexham should be in bold, at the moment they just looks like part teams

Hi Vicki,

It's an interesting entry - I'd never heard of it and was shocked to read how many people died.

I just have a few points, most of them leading from questions I asked as I read the entry (which is always a good sign! ):

It seems very odd to me to give so much detail to the football match - I don't see how the attendance figures or the players' names contribute at all to the subject of the entry. It breaks up the flow of the entry, so I'd take out that whole bit entitled 'The Match'.

6ft – 7ft think - do you mean 'thin' or 'I think'? (if it's 'I think' it shouldn't be there (first person and all that).

I think the bit about the accident starts too abruptly, especially as the reader has just read a long explanation of the background of the colliery. Who is Fred Davies - was he the pit boss or something? I'd start it with something like 'At 2.00am on Saturday 22 September, 1934, Fred Davies [insert who he was] was in his cabin at the bottom of the shaft. Suddenly, there was a massive explosion...' etc.

How did the six survivors get out and why did they escape? Were they further towards the pit entrance than the others or something? Can you find any more information about them?

I think you need a footnote to explain the canary - some people might not realise what a canary was used for down the mines. You could also beef up the bit about the rescuers carrying on regardless for their own safety.

Should they continue, risking there own lives, or call off the rescue => Should they continue, risking their own lives, or call off the rescue?

You say "In 1982, a memorial was unveiled. It had taken 9 years for the memorial campaign to reach its goal. In 2000, the names of all those who lost their lives in the pit, were also added to the memorial."

What was this campaign - who started it and why, and when? Why did it take so long for anyone to start the campaign? Was there further campaigning between 1982 and 2000 to add the names of the dead? Instead of the above, you could say something like "Angry at the way the Gresford disaster seemed to have been swept under the carpet, [insert names or 'a group of families of the dead' or something] began a campaign to erect a permanent memorial to the dead. [Insert any problems they came across]. They finally achieved this in 1982, when a memorial was unveiled by [insert name]. Further campaigning led to the addition of the names of all of the [insert number of dead] dead onto the memorial."

Was it unveiled by anyone significant?

Lbclaire

Hiya Claire

I've gone through and put a little more detail in about the bits your suggested. I don't know if they will answer your questions. Perhaps you could let me know?

Also, I do think the part about the match is important. If the match hadn't been scheduled, then half the miners in the pit wouldn't have been there. They doubled up on their shifts so they could be off the next day to go to the match.

The song has been covered by the wonderful Seth Lakeman on his latest album - not that I'm pointing this out because I think you should all rush out and buy his album or anything...

If you wanted to mention it in a footnote, his page is at http://www.sethlakeman.co.uk

It's been covered by a lot of people. I don't think I'd like to link to it because it's actually quite emotional...also, you can't hear the song on that website and I think it would sort of be advertising...?

Anything else?

until Judgement day." -- remove the closing double-quote


Reformat the lines at the end of the poem as follows:

In the darkness until Judgement day.
- Excerpts from the Ballad of the Gresford Disaster


"Dennis and Martin were around 50 yards apart and 6 metres in diameter" Are these the names of the two coal shafts, or have you left something out?

50 yards apart and 6 metres in diameter. They were 2,263 feet deep -- can you use one type of units, please, rather than mixing yards, metres and feet.

Profitability now became the forefront of the Dennis family -- I don't know what you mean by forefront

In December of 1911, government passed -->
In December, 1911, the government passed

This would be to allow more air to flow into the mines -->
This would allow more air to flow into the mines

Are the details of the football match important enough to deserve a special section? This match took place after the accident, so it's not really releveant other than as a reason for the doubling up of shifts. I think it is enough just to mention the names of the two teams.

Sir Henry Walker, the Chief Inspector of Mines, Chaired -- use small c on chaired

You have The Enquiry and the inquiry. Which is correct?

You have Sir Stafford and Sir Stafford Cripps. Which was his name?

the names of all those who lost their lives in the pit, were also added to the memorial -- remove the comma

To hear the BBC news broadcast of the disaster, please click here. -- this sort of link is not approved, because PDA readers don't see the link, so the sentence is meaningless for them. Try and reword the sentence in such a way that it makes sense to those who can't see the link.

For example: The BBC News broadcast of the disaster is also available.


a mixture of gasses --> A mixture of gases

G

Thanks Gnomon!!!

I'll work through your suggestions right now