h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think I've worked through all your suggestions.

I've given in on the match. I've taken it out, although put links in to the football teams where they're mentioned.

Thanks guys!

A few things you didn't get quite right in my corrections, and a few things I missed myself:

Excerpts from the Ballad - put a hyphen and a space at the start of this line.

It was thought that when the collieries became mechanised that conditions would get better -- there's one "that" too many there:

It was thought that when the collieries became mechanised, conditions would get better


10 times more likely --> ten times more likely


The noise and dust within the pits were greatly increased and owners of the pits were against any kind of reforms that were put forward and Government was not prepared to cover the cost of enforcing them.

-- this is too long; split it up:


The noise and dust within the pits were greatly increased. Owners of the pits were against any kind of reforms that were put forward and Government was not prepared to cover the cost of enforcing them.

Also in that sentence,

Government --> the Government

6 yard in diameter --> 6 yards in diameter

In December 1911, The Government --> In December 1911, the Government


The nations press --> The nation's press


You still have a mixture of enquiry in some places and inquiry in others. Decide which it is going to be, then use the browser's search command to find them all.

a silly mistake --> a stupid mistake

Assistant Surveyor, Idris Cuffin had been ordered -- add a comma after CUffin

to make up the measurements -- I think this would be better as "to invent the measurements". "Make up" can mean a few different things.

I've changed my mistakes. Thanks Gnomon.

Sir Stafford Cripps Cripps -- last time I looked, he was only Sir Stafford Cripps.

to invent up the measurements --> to invent the measurements

I think it would be better to say "Walker" rather than "Sir Henry" throughout this.

G

You know...I *am* a typist, but there is one rule for typists. You can never see your own mistakes.

*mutters to self* Proof read VV. Proof read!!!

I've done the changes.

Also, I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I can see the slagheap of the Gresford colliery from my landing window.

Also, there is a very strong chance that the mines run deep underneath our foundations. We know there wasn't any surface (ie, just underneath) mining, but there was deep mining very close nearby.

Owt else anyone?

It looks good to me.

Me too, but I'm biased

Thanks Gnomon




and you too mom.

I'm biased too, but I can't resist an invitation to nit-pick

In the "The Birth of the Colliery" section:

<>

The second sentence doesn't entirely make sense. Did you mean Gresford was one of the best in the North Wales region, or North Wales was one of the best areas in the Wales (UK?) region? If the latter, then then you could rewrite it as something like "North Wales was one of the best areas for harvesting coal. By 1900, there were over 12,500 miners producing three million tonnes a year."

Your "With mechanisation..." paragraph is out of time sequence with the others. The previous paragraph takes us up to 1932, but this one takes us back to 1907.

The final paragraph in this section "In December, 1911..." moves us back in time, too.

Icy

*kicks Icy in the shins*

But I fort I'd got it all correct then as well!

Spoil sport *sulks*





s off to make said changes

Actually...can I backtrack on the date thing?

I know it's out of time sequence, but if you read it as it is, it does make sense. It's saying that the law passed in 19whatever(I can't remember the date), would have saved those mens lives.

If I move it to earlier in the entry, people might not remember the law.

I think Icy has a good point. That section would benefit from rewriting slightly so that it happened in correct date order.

*shuffles foot in sand*

*tuts*

I've changed in round and you guys were right. It does flow much better now.

I think I've gotten around one date being out of order, but I've left it in because of the importance of where it is. (If that makes any sense at all).


Shall I just sit around now and play with the knots pheloxi has given me to untangle?

I think your third footnote looks very odd, considering that this is the main subject of the whole Entry. You'd be better to say:

"As we will see, this would have fatal ramifications ...."

Oh, thank you Gnomon!!!

And another thing - you now need to rewrite all the paragraphs in the ... just kidding - it's much better now.

*arrives fashionably late*

For what it's worth, my

Many would work double shifts to earn extra money, but this was in fact illegal. No one stopped them. --> I think would read better as one sentance (eg, money, this was in fact illegal, however no one...)

Under The Accident

2.00am that Saturday morning --> At 2.00am?

Just a couple of thoughts feel free to ignore them

Marvellous entry btw